Reply To: Loss of wife to cancer

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jamie62
Participant

Thanks for your support. Here is my journal entry today.
Yesterday was the 4 week anniversary. Is that a milestone? 4 weeks that seems like an eternity ago. 4 weeks since you were here with us in your living breathing self. 4 weeks since our lives were transformed into this state of mourning and grief. I went for another bike ride and started the day in a reasonable state of mind. Doctors appointment with Gretel, I found it disconcerting that she didn’t acknowledge your death but maybe that is her coping mechanism. Mum arrived which was comforting for both Eddie and myself. I found myself pleasantly distracted when Eddie and I went to see the new Elvis movie. 2-3 hours of being transported to someplace else. Then at the end of the movie there is a clip of Elvis losing his life. The screen fades to black with a small peep hole of light that gradually dies. Is this how Josie experienced her last moments? Could she hear us telling her it was ok to let go and that we loved her so much? The scene caused me much pain and I left the cinema in tears. Edward again proved how sensitive and caring he can be as he rubbed my back and gave me words of comfort.
Is every Thursday at 12:12pm going to be a reminder of her death. Am I going to relive that moment in time as I move to class?
Today is Angus’ birthday and we are meeting him and Scarlett in Fitzroy for lunch. This morning the sofa that Julie and I chose for Josie some 6 weeks ago will arrive. 6 weeks ago we were making decisions about providing a new sofa for Josie to lie on. Today it will arrive to a very empty space. I am sure it will provide me with a bittersweet feeling. 6 weeks , 4 weeks, 3 weeks, anniversaries and milestones everywhere.

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