Reply To: Buried my son on xmas eve

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Moon
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Hiya, yes I’m proud of myself for getting my haircut finally, but I knew it would be easy with my friend, I was in and out in 20mins. Normally I’d be getting my hair dyed (grey as), have a good ole chin wag for an hour, but nowhere near ready for that. I could sense the tears welling in her eyes, after all she’s cut my hair and my kids through all their crazy styles for over 15yrs. Cool thing is, she totally gets me when I mention all the “visits” I’ve had from my sweet baby boy.
Hey do you know what felt .. liberating, good ? this week, I got to chat briefly about my son, as if he was still here, to an uber driver. My car died, after teaching all 4, rarely go out so call an uber when I miss the bus or when it’s p..sing down like right now. I’m not in denial, just enjoyed the freedom of a casual convo with someone who doesn’t know my history, easy to turn the convo back on them yeah.
Think my son is challenging me again, had an offer to be a companion for an elderly gentleman, same age as my dad would have been. Met him and his daughter Friday night, wow, way out of my comfort zone going out, but it was only for an hour, and although weird, kinda felt good.
I’ve got so much love left in my heart, it bursts every day, with what I can no longer give to my child here and now, sometimes I think, almost wish it would stop beating so loudly, especially at 3am when I wake reliving our last moments together. This might be a good thing hey

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