Reply To: Buried my son on xmas eve

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debsayge
Participant

Dearest Moon and all shattered Mumma’s reading,
We are not alone!! (Because others here are listening)We are not in control of anything!! Boy when I find out who is!!!These are my thoughts when I can have a decent one.
I can relate to your ramblings so much, and really find that uncomfortably comforting….I too was the Mumma who cooked for all always lots of friends through the ages….always loved it can’t cook at all now too painful without my joyous girl happily helping and chatting away, can’t bare the kitchen or most other rooms either….even when I do manage I don’t wanna eat it, after all the times watching my girl struggle to eat a tiny bit, no joy in eating at all, that’s all I think of….I can’t bare any photos that I haven’t already had out….and yep I’m the Mumma who hasn’t got anything in albums or organised and you know why moon!! Cause we were living it the whole time, we thought we’d years to organise all that….can’t go near it now…also that’s really being reflective, ( I think) nowhere near that stage, I’ve met those people and it’s 25/30 yes later, I mean how!! The f do they do that….
So I’m outside today in the rain n cold crying n weeding but mostly crying…My kids looked after this land, was a dream come true to be out on the farm full of our animals, always together mulching, planting building, strong gorgeous girl, it just destroys me to see him alone. Too exhaustion!that’s after my dreadfully panic stricken mornings. I mean how do we do this! I’ve got no clue, mostly I think I just can’t and don’t even want to…
I’m also envious of those with faith, family who care, friends who visit, surely I think that must help however I don’t have it either….it’s frighteningly miserable that here we are on this site just to find some understanding and comfort as we feel so desperate….
Sorry does this even help?
I just can’t believe it every second that my girl!! My Sayge
Oh just horrible….if love could have saved her she’d be here oh why wasn’t it enough
XxLove to all
Please keep sharing
Maybe we can find some solice
And all the best with your session I’m hoping it helps a little
XxDeb

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