thank you for sharing your story, as hard as it must be, I read it with a growing sense of what an amazing mum you are, and how much love you hold. I can feel the exhaustion and pain in your words, and given what you’ve experienced I think those feelings are perfectly normal. I wanted to congratulate you on reaching out to others who can share their experiences, whilst I can empathise (I nearly lost a daughter a few years back) I know others in the forums here can share their experiences, their grief and their strengths.
In the meantime, I just wanted to share some resources that might help. It’s so easy to lose sight of the fact that the basics can help us to cope – eating, sleeping and connecting with others. This link on the GriefLine site will help with that: https://griefline.org.au/resources/east-toolkit/
It can also help to identify your strengths, coping with grief can be so hard and we sometimes need to use every tool we have, starting with those we forgot we own. This link on the Griefline site can help you to identify where those strengths might be: https://griefline.org.au/resources/grief-recovery-part-1-in-search-of-lost-strengths/
Please stay in touch with the forums Jezza, we’re here and listening.