I am so sorry for your loss. My husband passed away on November 5th 2021 also from his cancer. Nearly 5 years ago he was diagnosed with a brain tumour. It was the secondary and was successfully removed. However the doctors believed it came from Pete’s lungs. He never complained, tolerated 4 years of continuous treatment until about 3 months ago when he became even more ill. This time it had gone into his liver. After spending 2 weeks in hospital he came home on November the 1st and with the help of palliative care I cared for him here at home until he passed on November 5th.
I totally understand what you say about feeling you are betraying his memory by throwing out stuff. Some stuff I can get rid of, others I just can’t. Everywhere I look I see him and our little dog who is 14 is also grieving his loss big time. I live on acreage and the loneliness is overwhelming at times. We had built this place into a nature reserve by planting many trees and hopefully making it a sanctuary for birds and wildlife. This is his legacy.
Facing what lies ahead is really daunting and so hard to imagine without him, but one of the last things he said to me was “I am so so proud of you, you are the love of my life, but for goodness sake do not feel sorry for yourself.” Whenever I do feel sorry for myself, I try and remember those words. By god it’s hard.
Thinking of you Danna. As someone said to me “you will not get over this, but you will get through it.”