Dear @EXNativo,
Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your story with us. We’re sorry it’s taken a while for a response. Please know that your grief experience is valued here (and look out for our ‘Volunpeers’ who will be joining the forums this week to respond with empathy and understanding like they do on the Helplines).
It sounds like you’ve had a particularly rough time over the past month or so – the culmination of many years of suppressing your grief over the loss of your uncle and perhaps other living losses too…chronic loneliness is a loss in itself…even the breakdown of your parent’s marriage is a loss to grieve. Having to cope with all of these losses while living with anxiety and depression, and through lockdown, might have delayed your grief and perhaps even contributed to emotional dysregulation which is experienced through flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety, uncontrollable negative thoughts, and emotional numbing. Our article on delayed grief and the impact of COVID might be useful – you can click through to it here; “Delayed Grief – Waves of Grief as Lockdown Lifts”
While your story was heart-wrenching to read, you have wonderful storytelling abilities, and clearly highlighted your many internal and external strengths – all of which can help you adapt and move forward; your supportive relationship with your Mum, loving family, coping strategies such as reaching out for help eg Lifeline, Beyond Blue and Griefline, and your self-care insights to “Get some help. Eat something small. drink some water. Take care of yourself. Let yourself feel some self-love.” By tapping into these strengths we think over time you can give meaning to your losses and even rewrite your future. Grief expert Robert Neimeyer says “grieving is an act of re-affirming or reconstructing a personal world of meaning that has been challenged by loss.”
Perhaps this rings true for you as you formulate your plan for moving forward. We are here for you as you navigate your grief journey – both on the forums and the Helpline. 🌸