In September 2017, Benn Lockyer’s life changed forever. His son James died at just three days old – a sudden and devastating loss. As Benn stepped outside the hospital into the bustle of Melbourne’s CBD, he was struck by a surreal contrast: the world kept moving, while his own had crumbled. This disconnection marked the beginning of a long journey through grief, silence, and eventual connection.

Here is Benn’s story, in his own words:

I lost my son James at 3 days old in September 2017. Losing James was unexpected, heartbreaking, and turned my whole world upside down. In the days following his passing, I remember feeling an overwhelming sense of isolation. I felt alone, and like time had stopped.

When I stepped outside the hospital, which sat on the edge of Melbourne’s CBD, I was stunned to see that the rest of the world had not stopped with me – everyone was going about their lives as if this unthinkable tragedy had never happened.

As the days slowly rolled on, the isolation followed me. Comments from friends and family, strangers and acquaintances each played their part in showing me that none of them understood the pain I was feeling.

This only compounded my feelings of loneliness, and I found myself avoiding social engagements for my own protection. I began to wonder – is what I’m feeling normal? Why doesn’t anyone else feel like this? The answer was simple, though I couldn’t see it at the time; they hadn’t just lost a child.

On my journey to understand and navigate my grief, I found comfort in support groups; a small circle made up of other bereaved parents who I was able to connect with.

People who could listen and empathise without judgement, and without feeling the need to try and fix me. This group validated the feelings that I hadn’t yet learned to articulate. They helped me feel normal.