Grieving my soul dog while trying to navigate motherhood. I feel completely lost

Oh, Ghost. Nine years, and then just four days. Of course you can’t breathe. You went from fetch on Monday to the hardest decision there is by Thursday. Your heart hasn’t had a moment to catch up. That’s not weakness. It’s love with nowhere to go.
What you’re feeling is grief, plain and raw, and nothing about it means something’s wrong with you. Grieving this hard while caring for a five-month-old is one of the heaviest things a person can carry, because the two don’t take turns. The distance you feel from your baby right now is the grief talking, not the truth about you as a mum. Grief narrows everything and can dull even the joy you want most. The guilt only shows how much you love her. Joy hasn’t gone for good. It’s just hard to reach from inside this much pain.
You don’t need to know what you’re looking for. Reaching out was the thing. You’re not alone, and you don’t have to hold it all together. If you ever want to talk to someone in real time, Griefline is there on 1300 845 745, 9am to 6pm on weekdays and 12pm to 6pm on weekends. Be as gentle with yourself as you were with Ghost. One breath at a time. That’s enough.