Grieving my soul dog while trying to navigate motherhood. I feel completely lost

[poorna]

I lost my 9-year-old husky Ghost suddenly to a neurological autoimmune illness. He was such a healthy, active boy and everything happened so fast. We went from playing fetch on Monday to making an end-of-life decision by Thursday. I still can’t process how quickly my world changed. It honestly feels like someone ripped my heart out of my chest. I can’t breathe, I can’t eat, I can’t walk around the house without breaking down in tears. Every corner of the house reminds me of him, and I miss him so deeply it physically hurts. At the same time, I’m caring for my 5-month-old baby and I’m struggling more than I ever expected. Since my sweet boy died, motherhood feels more like something I have to get through than something I can enjoy. During this grieving period, I feel disconnected and unable to feel joy with my baby and the guilt that comes with that is overwhelming. I don’t even know exactly what I’m looking for by posting this. Maybe just to feel less alone, or to hear from others who have gone through deep grief while caring for a young baby. Right now everything feels incredibly heavy.

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[VM-Blizzy]

Dear poorna,

I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful husky. Going from being playful and active to losing him in just 4 days would have been so shocking and heartbreaking for you. You say that you can’t do lots of things – like eat, breath and walk without breaking out in tears. Go easy on yourself and know that this is natural, and part of a healthy grieving process in the early days. Give yourself permission to grieve and ‘cry it out’. Right now, you see your husky everywhere in the house as he was part of your families’ daily lives, and that has left a huge empty space in your life. Wondering if you think that taking the space to create a small ‘shrine/memorial’ in memory of his life would help you? Whether this is planting a tree or lighting a candle with his picture next to it.

We all never know when grief will hit us – and for some of us this has been while raising a family. You say you are also caring for your 5 month old baby. Being in the post-partum period with your hormones still settling down and also with such a young baby, I wonder whether this is still affecting you getting a good night’s sleep. All these things can play a part in how overwhelming your experiencing is – and is a form of complicated grief.

Wondering if there are any supports you can lean on during this tremendously all-consuming time – with family and friends or even neighbours, to help you start to cope a little bit better with the daily tasks you have on?

Right now you describe feeling disconnected and unable to feel joy with your baby, which is giving you a lot of guilt. Wondering if you have seen/or might mention to a healthcare professional the feelings you are having?
There is also an organisation called the Gidget Foundation that might be able to help you with reconnecting back with your baby if a couple of weeks has passed and you are still feeling the same.
https://www.gidgetfoundation.org.au/ or on the phone 1300 GIDGET.

Please go gentle with yourself and continue to reach out here, or if you have some time and space, call our helpline on 1300 845 745. We are open from 9-6pm Mon-Fri and 12-6pm on Sat-Sun (AEST/AEDT).

Take Care.

• This reply was modified 18 hours, 40 minutes ago by VM-Blizzy.

[VM-Daisy]

Oh, Ghost. Nine years, and then just four days. Of course you can’t breathe. You went from fetch on Monday to the hardest decision there is by Thursday. Your heart hasn’t had a moment to catch up. That’s not weakness. It’s love with nowhere to go.
What you’re feeling is grief, plain and raw, and nothing about it means something’s wrong with you. Grieving this hard while caring for a five-month-old is one of the heaviest things a person can carry, because the two don’t take turns. The distance you feel from your baby right now is the grief talking, not the truth about you as a mum. Grief narrows everything and can dull even the joy you want most. The guilt only shows how much you love her. Joy hasn’t gone for good. It’s just hard to reach from inside this much pain.
You don’t need to know what you’re looking for. Reaching out was the thing. You’re not alone, and you don’t have to hold it all together. If you ever want to talk to someone in real time, Griefline is there on 1300 845 745, 9am to 6pm on weekdays and 12pm to 6pm on weekends. Be as gentle with yourself as you were with Ghost. One breath at a time. That’s enough.

[Author]

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