Sudden loss of my 59 year old son

Hi Chooko,

It’s been some time now since Micheal has passed and so I wanted to reach out to see how you are going? I do hope that you’ve been well and that your husband has continued to be a supportive presence as you process your grief. It certainly sounded from your post that he has been a treasure to you during this difficult time. I hope that you’re both well.

As both VM-Yanw13 and VM-Johann observed, it’s very natural to feel a variety of mixed and conflicting emotions during grief and especially when you’ve experienced a number of losses in the past ten years. Hopefully since your original post you’re feeling that it’s a little easier to cope with the loss of Micheal each day. While it’s sometimes hard to think back on the person we’ve lost (without getting swept up in grief, that is), I find that reflecting on them and bringing to mind some of the wonder and positivity that they brought to life can be very comforting. I’m sure that Micheal brought so much happiness into your life and this might be a way to honour his memory and hold onto your special connection.

Hi @chooko

Thank you for sharing such a heartfelt message. I can feel the depth of your love for Micheal in every word, the way you describe his humour, his kindness, and the joy he brought to those around him. He sounds like someone who truly lit up the lives of others, and it’s clear how deeply he is missed.

Grief can be so disorienting, especially when it arrives suddenly and shakes the very foundation of our world. The mix of emotions you’re feeling right now is completely valid. Some days might feel manageable, and others might feel like too much. That’s okay. There’s no map for this kind of loss, and no right way to move through it.

Sounds like you’ve also carried so much over the years—losing your parents, siblings, your husband, and now Michael. That’s an extraordinary amount of heartache, and it’s no wonder that your body and mind are feeling overwhelmed. It’s also understandable that your grief feels different this time. It must be especially hard when your grief isn’t acknowledged by everyone around you. You’ve shown such empathy in trying to understand your stepchildren’s reactions, even while navigating your own sorrow. That speaks to your strength and compassion. I’m glad to hear your husband is supportive—having someone beside you who sees your pain can make a world of difference.

You mentioned that you are managing your journey with anxiety with self help books, and I just want to honour the resilience you’ve shown in finding ways to cope. Just want to let you know that you don’t have to carry this alone. You can always call the helpline at 1300 845 745, available 8am to 8pm, or reach out at the forum for support. Additionally, the Griefline website has many resources that may offer comfort and guidance, including articles on grief and loss.

” target=”_blank”>https://griefline.org.au/resources/when-a-loved-one-dies-guide-to-coping-with-grief-loss/

Sometimes even small insights can help us feel a little less adrift. If it feels right, you might consider sharing more about Micheal—his jokes, his quirks, the memories that make you smile. Keeping his spirit close can be a gentle way to honour your bond.