loss of husband of 57yrs

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This topic has 2 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 2 weeks ago by VM-Serenity66.

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March 19, 2025 at 6:07 pm #37347

maureenm
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I lost my husband 4yrs ago from a massive heart attack just before Covid ended 2020, i had to give him CPR which was devastating in itself, we were married for 57yrs. he passed away 5/12, 5 days before our anniversary on the 12/12 buried 15th Dec Christmas day 10 days after that, so December is a Happy sad month for me. only 20 people could attend his funeral (end of covid) i had to get permission from the police to visit his resting place as there was a $25,000 fine if you went out of the 5k zone, i spent 2 and 1/2 Months by myself as it was still restrictions.
My family and friends lived more than 5k away from me.
I had to downsize, i couldn’t maintain our house and yard, 6 mths after my husband passed my eldest had a triple bypass and my younger son had 2 stents implanted
both very active people. i live in a smaller single storie house which i have just completed work on it to make it my own.
I love my house but it’s not a home anymore, I don’t see my kids very often, one lives at Qld one lives up the coast and the other lives down the coast the closest 1 1/2 hrs. away, they have their own busy life’s their grandparents themselves now, but i feel i have been pushed back a generation and unimportant, our mutual friends don’t contact me anymore.
I belong to a senior’s group i go once or twice a week their lovely ladies, but it kills me to come back to an empty house.
I think the worst thing i did was to put on a strong face because i knew the kids were grieving as well.
I still cry at the drop of a hat, and miss another presence in the house, I’m finding if I’ve got nowhere to go i stay in bed until 1pm sometimes.
Instead of feeling better i feel I’m worse. we would have married for 60yrs 3mths ago, I’m 78yrs old.
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April 2, 2025 at 1:54 pm #37609

VM-Serenity66
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Dear maureenm,

My heart goes out to you as you share the loss of your beloved husband and all the challenges you’ve faced over the past few years. 57 years is a lot of life together and going through such a big change during the isolation of COVID must have been incredibly difficult.
Please remember that you are allowed to grieve in your own way and at your own pace. It’s understandable that you feel the profound weight of your husband’s absence, especially in your home where you shared so many cherished memories.
It can be helpful, if you are feeling isolated, to find ways to reach out to family and friends for support, even if it’s a phone call or video chat.
I’m glad to hear that you found a supportive community at your senior’s group. Building connections with others who understand the grief and loss can help you feel less alone.
Tears are a natural and healing expression of grief, and it’s normal for emotions to ebb and flow. Healing from grief does not always follow a linear path. There will be days when you may feel as though things have gone backwards, and it’s important to practice self-care along the way.
You’ve shown remarkable strength and resilience by adapting to new circumstances and maintaining your independence. Don’t discount your progress, even if it seems small in comparison to the pain you feel.

Remember that you are not alone in this journey, and resources are available to help you through these difficult times, such as grief counselling, support groups, and the articles here on the Griefline site (https://griefline.org.au/resources/ ). Reaching out for help is a step toward healing and finding some comfort again. For a supportive conversation with a compassionate volunteer, you are welcome to call the Helpline on 1300 845 745, if you feel ready.

Sending you gentle thoughts and support.

March 20, 2025 at 2:38 pm #37360

abc01
Participant

Dear maureenm,

I am sorry to hear of your loss and the resulting situation that has come from your experiences.
Reading your post, it is apparent that you suffered many traumatic experiences or stressors in a short succession of time after the huge loss of your husband. It sounds very isolating and I can empathise with not wanting to get out of bed or finding it hard to walk through the door to come back home. It is okay to be strong for others, but it is okay too, to cry at the drop of a hat as you are experiencing grief. As a mother, it is your instinct to protect your children and put them first, however I think it is time to put yourself first too. It sounds great that you have a group to go to.
It is really important that you have reached out here. Perhaps if you haven’t already, you might connect with your GP, who may be able to to connect you with other mental health services, like a psychologist. There are also Australian mental health websites with other forums that you may be able to share your thoughts and feelings on.
And there may be an option,if you talk to your children, to adopt a pet for company. And if you are worried about the pet, talk to one of your children who would agree to take in the pet,if you are unable to care for them anymore.
There may also be the option to have a potentially awkward conversation at first with your children,to let them know you need them more.
You are important too. And your thoughts and feelings are valid. Please don’t stop reaching out.
Wishing you the best,
ABC01
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loss of husband of 57yrs

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