Watched my littler sister die from suicide

Hi Makeitsweet,
There are no words to describe the pain you have experienced. It could never be too much if you start letting it out, it’s completely understandable that you will have a lot to let out. I want to encourage you to listen to your own voice. There’s a lot of wisdom in what you have said. The easy fix is to keep it in. But that will come with its own negative impact. As a person who kept their pain in, I can’t tell you how much I wish I had sought a listening ear sooner! It made such a difference to even sit and cry with someone who could understand without me even using words. Maybe the Griefline helpline is a good way to start. You can be totally anonymous, can speak or not, but someone will sit with you in your pain and that is so very valuable.
The loss of your sister will probably always hold a space in your heart now. You would be doing yourself a great favour if you didn’t hold it in until the buried emotion came out in an unexpected way. For yourself, please find a safe space to start (I do recommend Griefline!).

Hi makeitsweet, I’m so sorry to hear about the sudden loss of your sister and the circumstances around her passing. Being called to the hospital to say goodbye must have been so incredibly devastating and painful for you and your family, especially with the shock of finding out that way that she was suffering. The aftermath of this kind of loss is going to bring up so many intense thoughts and questions and emotions, and the thought of spiraling into that can be really scary.

I understand that you might feel the need to be strong at the moment, or that suppressing these thoughts and feelings is the only way to cope. There’s so much to process with such a huge loss and it’s completely normal for that to be overwhelming as you somehow try to make sense of everything. It can feel impossible to accept support for all sorts of reasons.

If you’re unsure where to start, you can call Griefline on 1300 845 745 or book a callback from one of their support volunteers who will listen and help you to navigate the next steps. Reaching out on this forum will hopefully be a source of support for you as well, to connect with others who have experienced a similar situation. If it feels right, a counsellor will be able to work through this with you in a safe space where it will never be “too much”. But it’s okay to wait until you feel ready. There’s no right way to grieve, only what is right for you, right now. Please take care of yourself and remember that you are not alone, and that you are doing the best that you can.