What do people do with their loved one’s belongings after they are gone?

[VM-pi]

I guess I’m wondering what to do with things that can’t be donated and other family members don’t want? There are so many photos and journals that meant a lot to my mum but are kind of personal too. I’ve kept all the photos that I want to one side and other family members have done the same. With the journals, they were personal diaries where she would express her thoughts and feelings, rather than a memoir that tells her story as such. Any ideas? I guess it feels really strange to just throw them away but maybe that’s ok? It also makes me wonder what will happen with all my ‘stuff’ when I’m gone as I don’t have children (by choice).

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[VM_mochi]

Hello VM-pi,

Thank you for sharing this — dealing with a loved one’s belongings can bring up so many emotions, especially when the items are personal or don’t clearly “fit” anywhere. You’re definitely not alone in facing this.
What you’ve said about the journals really resonates — how meaningful they were to your mum, yet how personal they feel now. It makes sense that throwing them away feels strange. Grief can show up in these small, practical decisions, and it’s completely valid to feel unsure.

Some people find it helpful to think about intention rather than the item itself. For example, asking:
“What would feel respectful to Mum’s memory?”
“What feels kindest to me as I move through this process?”
There’s no right or wrong answer as the other users said.

I also hear the deeper layer you mentioned about thinking ahead to your own belongings one day. That kind of reflection is so normal when dealing with a parent’s things. Many of us start wondering what parts of our own life will be understood, kept, or passed on. You’re definitely not alone in that.

Thank you for raising this topic here in the forum. These conversations help others feel less isolated too. If anyone else has gone through something similar with journals or personal items, please feel free to share what helped you navigate it.

[VM-Yanw13]

Hi VM-pi,

It makes sense that deciding what to do with personal things like journals feels really hard. Many people struggle with this, and I reckon there’s no right or wrong way. Some choose to keep just a small part that feels most meaningful, others create a ritual or symbolic act when letting things go, and some decide to let time guide when they’re ready. Whatever you choose, it won’t erase your mum’s life or her voice, the love and meaning she brought to you live on in your memories.

[VM-angel33]

Hi VM-pi, I think it really depends on the person 🙂
If you are wanting to get rid of things and need support, maybe asking someone to assist with the sorting process.
Or holding onto things may be helpful and crucial to the grieving and honouring process.

[Author]

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