Two Losses in 3mths

[annek]

Five days prior to Christmas just passed I lost my younger brother. Its a very long story but we hadnt seen in each in many years. Because it was a long process to bring his ashes home, his memorial wasnt until the last weekend of February. Only four days later my beautiful daughters boyfriend who was only 20 passed away in a tragic accident. I’ve never known so much grief, I’m grieving for my girl, the senseless death of her wonderful boyfriend and loss of my little brother and his life that he never lived properly. I have so many emotions but feel I need to be strong for my daughter. I’m lost. Every waking thought is of this young soul taken too soon, by brother and my daughter.

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[VM_Pinnacle]

Hey Annek,

I am so sorry for all that you have been carrying and for both of your losses. I am really glad you reached out. Losing your younger brother, then so soon after your daughter’s partner in such a tragic way, is an overwhelming amount of grief in a very short time. On top of your own loss, you’re also holding your daughter’s heartbreak. That is a heavy place to be and it makes sense that your thoughts feel consumed by all of this, especially with how recent and sudden everything has been. Your love for your daughter and compassion for her is really evident.

Feeling lost, flooded with emotion, and pulled between your own grief and wanting to be strong for your daughter are all very valid feelings. Grieving multiple losses, especially when one involves supporting someone you love through their pain too, can feel confusing and exhausting. You don’t have to hold it all together all the time. Your grief for your brother, for your daughter’s pain, and for the young life lost are all valid and deserving of space.

Being there for your daughter doesn’t mean having to put your own grief aside too, sometimes just being present together in the sadness is enough. You’re allowed to grieve as well as support. Taking things moment by moment, and finding small spaces where you can acknowledge your own feelings, can help ease the pressure of trying to carry everything at once. Thank you for having the strength to share here and I hope you’re comfortable to keep doing so. Greiflines helpine 1300 845 745 is also there if you ever need someone to talk too and share your grief with.

[VM_JJ]

Hi Annek, I am so sorry for your sequential losses. You have experienced the death of two loved ones in a very short amount of time. I can also sense that your love for your daughter is strong and protective and it’s incredibly hard for you to see her grief while dealing with your own. And for both your brother and your daughter’s boyfriend- you’re mourning what could have been. Please know that we are all here for you and if you feel comfortable, please continue to share more here or give us a call on the helpline.

[VM_RaMack]

Hello Annek,
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your brother. Your relationship with him sounds complex. You mentioned it was a long story. If you ever feel like talking about it, please give us a call on 1300 845 745. Grief and loss can be hard to make sense of, especially for complex relationships and sometimes it can help to talk about it. I am also sorry to hear about your daughter’s boyfriend; such a sudden and shocking loss. As you said, having two losses in three months can feel like grief compounding. It can indeed leave us feeling lost and bereft.

Your values around being a strong parent really come through. It sounds like your daughter is able to draw strength from you. It is also important to make sure you take care of you. What you are experiencing is a lot; so many emotions. There might be some useful reading on our website such as https://griefline.org.au/resources/when-a-loved-one-dies-guide-to-coping-with-grief-loss/ and I also invite you to call if it is helpful to do so.

You are also more than welcome to keep posting in here. Whatever is helpful to do. Processing grief is human and all your thoughts and feelings are welcome either on this forum or on 1300 845 745

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