Tornados

[abc01]

Dear All,
First off, I am not going to harm myself or others. What I have written here today, my health professionals know about it.

It has been 13 weeks since he passed. (He was killed)

In my grief right now, I have an anger tornado that has built to a strong and massive size. And I have a sadness tornado that gains more traction every day.
They have started to merge, and I feel like the darkness in my quieter, more lonelier times is giving me dark thoughts about the point of life here anymore. I sit in the trauma of the situation and STILL cannot find answers to questions to find a way to connect the dots that lead to ME to be able to put/make an understanding in my mind about his death and start to heal and move forward. I have put effort into searching. I have asked many people. They all give the same answer. That they can’t answer my questions. Or that this is just life.
If this is life, it is beyond cruel. And why do I want to live it? How can I trust that getting a new fur baby won’t end in the same way, unfair and cruel. How am I not supposed to have anxiety about that every single day with them, when I have it now? Grief and trauma together has made me a zombie. I am a shell of a person, who just does the motions. I don’t enjoy life. I don’t know the meaning/point of it. This pain and depression is sooo much.

I have loved all my fur kids before with my whole heart,mind and soul. But what has happened has destroyed a big part of my soul. The anger makes me not care about anyone or anything. I am not scared about contemplating life. I just am not resolute.

Is it supposed to get this dark?
Thank you for listening.
ABC01

Topic

[VMPatch]

Hi @abc01
Thank you for letting us know that you gained some comfort form the reply. I encourage you to keep sharing your thoughts and feelings and reaching out for support in this forum and with your health professionals. We are here to listen to you. As mentioned in the previous post you also have the option of contacting the Griefline helpline on 1300 920 552 ( 8am to 8pm ) if you want to speak with one of the trained volunteers.

[abc01]

Thank you for replying.
It is an extremely hard time at the moment.
Just the fact that someone replied is a comfort.
ABC01

[VM-Bodie]

Hi Abc01,
Firstly, thank you for sharing your experience of grief and loss. You are demonstrating such strength and resilience in the face of a traumatic and life-changing event.

I think your description of your tornados of emotion illustrates the ever-changing nature of grief and loss and the turbulent process of healing. This process is not linear and sometimes we do not find the answers we have been searching for, often we are left with more and more unanswered questions.

I want to reassure you that you are not alone in this and through sharing our experiences, we connect more deeply with our grief and, with time, it can shift into something new.
Your emotions are valid, and you should be proud that you are continuing to talk about this with people in your life and the Griefline community.

Thank you for your post, and please reach out to Griefline whenever needed. Here is the phone line number if you would like to speak to someone further: 1300 845 745 (8AM-8PM)

[Author]

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