Suicide Survivor Guilt

[isabelle1320]

Hello,
It has been nearly 8 years since I lost my mum to suicide when I was 18 years old. I have since seen counsellors, psychologists and psychiatrists and have been diagnosed with cPTSD + retrospective ADHD. I have been trying to cope with my unhealthy tendency towards feelings of guilt and a false sense of responsibility for her death – one of those strategies is starting EMDR treatment. I can say that this is helping with some degree of my childhood trauma, but the overall grief of losing mum is still heavy on me even now.
I have been told that going to a group for suicide survivors would help me but have not heard of any such groups where I live. By reaching out here, I am hopeful that there are others like me, and, if so, perhaps we can attract enough interest to start a new group lead by Lifeline or a similar professional organisation. It is preferred if this remains a safe place where people may attend anonymously, yet still gain the beenfits of group therapy/shared experiences.

Please attention this to any relevant overseers in the Lifeline group

Until then, please feel free to comment or share your experiences with suicide and how you have been able to cope. I feel this type of guilt/grief in particular is less spoken of and seems to get triggered more often than a death that was of natural causes.

PLUR and condolences xx

Topic

[VM-Blizzy]

Dear isabelle1320,

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your experience with us here at Griefline with such honesty. What you’ve written carries so much grief, complexity, and love, and it takes a huge amount of courage to put your experiences into words. Losing your mum to suicide at such a young age is an enormous thing to carry, and the guilt and sense of responsibility you describe are feelings many people impacted by suicide can relate to, even years later. It can be such a lonely experience because people often don’t talk openly about it.

It sounds like you’ve worked really hard to seek support with psychologists and psychiatrists, and it’s good to hear that strategies and treatments have been helping with parts of your healing. Grief after suicide can be very complex, especially when trauma, unanswered questions, and childhood experiences are intertwined. 8 years does not make your pain any less real.

Your idea of having a safe, anonymous space for suicide survivors to connect feels really important. Being able to speak with people who truly understand loss to suicide can make such a difference. ‘Standy support after Suicide’ is an organisation that you can also reach out to on 1300 727 247 to connect you to services across Australia. They do have support groups and may be able to connect you with one locally. This is their website: https://standbysupport.com.au/find-support/
You might also like to reach out to your GP, Ask Izzy, or a local community health service to help you find a group in your local area.

Please continue to reach out here on Griefline forums or if you are up to it, please call and connect with us on 1300 845 745 to talk about your grief. We are open 9am-6pm on Mon-Fri and 12pm-6pm on Sat and Sun.

Take care.

[Author]

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