Sudden unexpected loss

[holdinghope25]

Hi, I’m not quite sure what to even say but I just need to talk about it i guess. My niece took her own life the other day, she was only 17. My heart has been broken and I’ve been in a state of shock ever since I found out. I have already been struggling with my own mental health and this has just added a whole new level to that struggle. Earlier on Thursday evening before I found out the news I’d sort of made an attempt myself so my headspace already wasn’t good. I’m just not sure what to do, where to turn to or how I’m supposed to get through this if it’s even possible. The pain hurts so much, i just want to make it all stop. I’ve barely been sleeping and have no motivation to do anything. It’s just been one thing after another and it’s not stopping, I just want to be able to catch my breath in between everything.

Topic

[VM-Daisy]

Dear Holdinghope25,
I’m truly sorry to hear about the loss of your niece. Losing someone so young to suicide is an unimaginable tragedy, and I can hear the depth of pain in your words. The shock you’re experiencing right now is completely understandable. You’ve been hit with something devastating while already carrying your own struggles.
What strikes me most is your honesty about where you were that very evening. You didn’t have to share that, and it took courage to do so. I see you and I see someone who is carrying an almost unbearable weight right now, and I want you to know that your pain matters. Your niece’s life mattered, and your grief for her is real and valid.
The feelings you’re describing: the shock, the broken heart, the inability to sleep, the loss of motivation, are normal responses to multiple compounding losses and trauma. When grief this profound meets existing mental health struggles, it can feel like you’re drowning, and that’s not weakness on your part. That’s what happens when someone carries too much.
It’s also entirely normal to feel like you can’t breathe, to want the pain to stop, and to struggle with the question of how to go on. Many people in similar situations have felt exactly what you’re feeling right now. You’re not alone in this, even though it might feel that way in your isolation.
The fact that you reached out and shared this, shows incredible strength, even if you can’t feel it right now.
I want to be direct with you about something important because the thoughts you’ve mentioned about wanting the pain to stop and the attempt you made on Thursday suggest you’re in real crisis right now. Please reach out for immediate support.
Please contact:
Lifeline: 13 11 14 because they have trained counsellors who understand both grief and suicidal crisis
If you’re in immediate danger, please call 000 or go to your nearest hospital emergency department
Your own wellbeing matters too. You mentioned struggling with your mental health before this happened. Please also connect with your mental health support—whether that’s a counsellor, GP, or crisis service. What you’re carrying is genuinely too much for one person, and that’s okay. That’s what support is for.

[VM-The Old Oak Tree]

Dear Holdinghope25,

I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your niece. That is such a terrible tragedy, especially since she was so young. And also because you mentioned that you’ve already been struggling yourself before this happened. From what you’ve shared, it sounds like you’re feeling very overwhelmed overall and this very recent loss has compounded things. I can’t imagine what this is like for you, but I think it’s very positive that you’ve engaged with the Online Forums.

It is very normal to struggle with sleep, motivation, and in other ways when dealing with a loss of this magnitude. Please know that the other feelings you have described such as experiencing so much pain, shock, and the way multiple troubles are compounding is also very normal. I think you are doing well to do the best you can and I hope you have someone in your life who is supportive to you. I also think you’re showing a lot of strength and resilience to engage with the Online Forums, so that you can receive some support, and engage with other Forum members.

While I can appreciate this loss is extremely recent, I want you to know that within the grief and loss space, it is considered to be healthy to find ways to feel connected to the person that you’ve lost. The idea is that while the person has passed away physically, your relationship with them continues. Some people find ways to continue the bond through photographs, writing letters, listening to music that your loved one enjoyed, or cooking food you used to enjoy together for example. Basically, anything which helps you to feel connected to your niece may help you to continue the bond that you share. Although, I can appreciate that it may be too early within your grief journey to think about this right now.

You are very welcome to call Griefline’s Helpline on 1300 845 745 (8am – 8pm, Victorian (AEDT) time). Here, you can have a supportive conversation with one of our caring Volunteers. An organisation called ‘Standby Support After Suicide’ may also be able to help. Their website address is https://jss.org.au/programs/standby-support-after-suicide/. You can also access Standby Support After Suicide by calling 1300 727 247.

Also, for urgent or emergency assistance, please call Lifeline (24 hours) on 13 11 14, or call 000 Dial 000 or go to a hospital emergency department if your life is in danger.

And please know you are more than welcome to continue engaging with the online forms. We are here listening to you.

[Author]

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