Sudden unexpected loss

[holdinghope25]

Hi, I’m not quite sure what to even say but I just need to talk about it i guess. My niece took her own life the other day, she was only 17. My heart has been broken and I’ve been in a state of shock ever since I found out. I have already been struggling with my own mental health and this has just added a whole new level to that struggle. Earlier on Thursday evening before I found out the news I’d sort of made an attempt myself so my headspace already wasn’t good. I’m just not sure what to do, where to turn to or how I’m supposed to get through this if it’s even possible. The pain hurts so much, i just want to make it all stop. I’ve barely been sleeping and have no motivation to do anything. It’s just been one thing after another and it’s not stopping, I just want to be able to catch my breath in between everything.

Topic

[VM- VioletH]

Hi @holdinghope25,
I’m really glad you reached out today, and I want you to know that the Griefline community is here for you, to hold space for you through this life-changing loss, what you’re carrying is enormous, and no one should have to hold this kind of pain alone.

Losing one niece to suicide is already a life‑shattering experience; to now lose another so soon, and at such young ages, is a level of heartbreak and shock that goes beyond what words can capture. It makes complete sense that you feel overwhelmed, angry, devastated, and unsure how to even begin processing any of this.
What you’re describing, collapsing to the floor, feeling frozen, the pain hitting you all at once, is a very real and very human response to traumatic loss.
When grief is sudden, violent, or layered like this, the body often reacts before the mind can catch up. Your foundation has been shaken to the core, your world thrown upside down again in a matter of minutes.

Suicide bereavement brings its own kind of complexity. Many people describe the same mix of shock, anger, guilt, confusion, and deep sadness you’re feeling. These reactions show how deeply you loved your nieces and your mind and body trying to make sense of something that just doesn’t make any sense. With the pressure of housing instability in the mix on top of everything else it’s completely understandable that you feel overwhelmed and at breaking point.
Right now, please know that there’s no right way to do this, grieving loss of a loved one is unique to each person, and it doesn’t really follow a timeline or linear process. Griefline often talks about taking things moment by moment, especially when the losses are this raw and traumatic. Your only job right now is to breathe through the next few minutes, then the next hour, and the processing of all of this will come gently, in its own time.
For now it sounds like some extra emotional support and a safe space to talk through the shock and pain you’re experiencing would possibly be helpful. Please continue to reach out to us here, but I would also like to share some specialised services below that can offer individualised support for you. You can also call our trained volunteers at the Helpline 1300 845 745 9am to 8pm: 7 days (AEDT) to talk some things through, or if you feel you need help to connect with the additional resources below.
Suicide call back service
Suicide call back service: Professionally trained counsellors. Callers with suicidal thoughts, family or friends affected by suicide and healthcare professionals treating suicidal people. Online chat and Video chat available on the website. May be eligible for ongoing support – up to six telephone counselling sessions. • Phone: 1300 659 467 •
Website: http://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au • Hours: phone, online chat and video chat 27/7

Standby – Support After Suicide
Standby – Support After Suicide
StandBy is accessible 24 hours a day, seven days a week, providing free face-to face and/or telephone support at a time and place that is best for each individual. Phone: 1300 727 247 • Website: http://www.standbysupport.com.au/ • To find support in your regions visit: https://standbysupport.com.au/findsupport
Beyond Blue

Beyond Blue
Beyond Blue Support, information, and resources for people dealing with depression or anxiety. • Phone: 1300 224 636 / chat also available via website • Website: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/ • Hours: 24/7

If you feel that you are in crisis or experiencing thoughts of suicide, please reach out to Lifeline Phone: 13 11 14
Lifeline or in an emergency call Triple 000.

Reaching out is a strong and courageous step, and we’re here with you as you take the next one.

[holdinghope25]

After losing a niece to suicide in December last year when she was only 17, today I found out that another of my niece’s passed away yesterday, she was only 18. I’ve been in a state of shock since, the pain and anger I’m feeling is indescribable, the sadness is too much for words to explain. I haven’t even processed the loss of my other niece and now this, I don’t know how to, I don’t think I can.

I’m angry at the universe, I’m angry at myself.

The last thing I remember today was getting home from the shops, putting the shopping away, checking my phone and getting that message then crumbling into a heap on the floor and that’s where I stayed.

How am I supposed to move past this? Life’s thrown so much my way lately and I’m on the brink of being homeless, there’s only so much one person can take before enough is enough.

[VM_Pinnacle]

Dear holdinghope25,

I’m glad you reached out here and thank you for sharing this. I am so deeply sorry about the loss of your niece, losing someone so young is heartbreaking. It makes sense that you’re in shock. News like that can make things feel completely unreal, like the ground has dropped away beneath you. I also want to ackowledge how brave it was to speak honestly about your own stuggles, especially when everything feels overwhelming and tangled together. Reaching out when you’re in this much pain takes real courage. Everything that you are describing (the shock, the exhaustion, the lack of sleep) are all natural responses to the profound trauma and grief you have experienced. On top of already carrying your own mental health struggles, this loss has landed like a tidal wave. You’re not weak for feeling this way, you’re responding to something devastating.

Right now, the most important thing is your safety and support. This pain is not something have to carry alone and if at any point you feel like you might act on these thoughts, it’s really important to reach out for immediate help as the previous responses mentioned through Lifeline on 13 11 14, or 000 if you’re in immediate danger. If talking feels hard, Lifeline also has an online chat option. You’ve already shown that you have the strength to reach out, and I hope you can continue to do so. If it feels okay, it might help to focus just on getting through the next small stretch of time (the next hour, or even the next few minutes rather than becoming overwhelmed trying to plan and get through everything ahead). While grief and shock can make the future feel impossible to face, you don’t have to solve it all right now. Taking the time you need to catch your breath, while seeming like a small step, is an important step too.

I hope you continue to feel welcome here to keep talking about your niece, about your pain, or about what feels hardest in this moment. This community is here to listen and support you, and you deserve care and compassion while you’re going through something so painful.

[VM-Rose123]

Hi Holdinghope25,

I am so sorry to read about the loss of your niece. I can hardly imagine the pain you must be experiencing, particularly while you have been struggling with your own mental health. My heart goes out to you. Good on you for reaching out for help and communicating so honestly. I hope you have been able to continue to seek support and connection as you have needed it.
I also wanted to provide you with this link for creating a safety plan. It can be helpful for those experiencing thoughts of suicide. https://www.lifeline.org.au/get-help/support-toolkit/safety-planning/more-about-beyond-now-and-safety-planning?q=beyond-now
It’s important to remember you are not alone in this and help is out there even when you feel isolated or in your darkest moments.
Please don’t hesitate to call the below numbers if you need crisis support or Griefline on 1300 845 745.
Lifeline: 13 11 14
Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467

[VM-Daisy]

Dear Holdinghope25,
I’m truly sorry to hear about the loss of your niece. Losing someone so young to suicide is an unimaginable tragedy, and I can hear the depth of pain in your words. The shock you’re experiencing right now is completely understandable. You’ve been hit with something devastating while already carrying your own struggles.
What strikes me most is your honesty about where you were that very evening. You didn’t have to share that, and it took courage to do so. I see you and I see someone who is carrying an almost unbearable weight right now, and I want you to know that your pain matters. Your niece’s life mattered, and your grief for her is real and valid.
The feelings you’re describing: the shock, the broken heart, the inability to sleep, the loss of motivation, are normal responses to multiple compounding losses and trauma. When grief this profound meets existing mental health struggles, it can feel like you’re drowning, and that’s not weakness on your part. That’s what happens when someone carries too much.
It’s also entirely normal to feel like you can’t breathe, to want the pain to stop, and to struggle with the question of how to go on. Many people in similar situations have felt exactly what you’re feeling right now. You’re not alone in this, even though it might feel that way in your isolation.
The fact that you reached out and shared this, shows incredible strength, even if you can’t feel it right now.
I want to be direct with you about something important because the thoughts you’ve mentioned about wanting the pain to stop and the attempt you made on Thursday suggest you’re in real crisis right now. Please reach out for immediate support.
Please contact:
Lifeline: 13 11 14 because they have trained counsellors who understand both grief and suicidal crisis
If you’re in immediate danger, please call 000 or go to your nearest hospital emergency department
Your own wellbeing matters too. You mentioned struggling with your mental health before this happened. Please also connect with your mental health support—whether that’s a counsellor, GP, or crisis service. What you’re carrying is genuinely too much for one person, and that’s okay. That’s what support is for.

[VM-The Old Oak Tree]

Dear Holdinghope25,

I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your niece. That is such a terrible tragedy, especially since she was so young. And also because you mentioned that you’ve already been struggling yourself before this happened. From what you’ve shared, it sounds like you’re feeling very overwhelmed overall and this very recent loss has compounded things. I can’t imagine what this is like for you, but I think it’s very positive that you’ve engaged with the Online Forums.

It is very normal to struggle with sleep, motivation, and in other ways when dealing with a loss of this magnitude. Please know that the other feelings you have described such as experiencing so much pain, shock, and the way multiple troubles are compounding is also very normal. I think you are doing well to do the best you can and I hope you have someone in your life who is supportive to you. I also think you’re showing a lot of strength and resilience to engage with the Online Forums, so that you can receive some support, and engage with other Forum members.

While I can appreciate this loss is extremely recent, I want you to know that within the grief and loss space, it is considered to be healthy to find ways to feel connected to the person that you’ve lost. The idea is that while the person has passed away physically, your relationship with them continues. Some people find ways to continue the bond through photographs, writing letters, listening to music that your loved one enjoyed, or cooking food you used to enjoy together for example. Basically, anything which helps you to feel connected to your niece may help you to continue the bond that you share. Although, I can appreciate that it may be too early within your grief journey to think about this right now.

You are very welcome to call Griefline’s Helpline on 1300 845 745 (8am – 8pm, Victorian (AEDT) time). Here, you can have a supportive conversation with one of our caring Volunteers. An organisation called ‘Standby Support After Suicide’ may also be able to help. Their website address is https://jss.org.au/programs/standby-support-after-suicide/. You can also access Standby Support After Suicide by calling 1300 727 247.

Also, for urgent or emergency assistance, please call Lifeline (24 hours) on 13 11 14, or call 000 Dial 000 or go to a hospital emergency department if your life is in danger.

And please know you are more than welcome to continue engaging with the online forms. We are here listening to you.

[Author]

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