Sudden loss of mum

[sfg2]

We suddenly lost our mum 5 days ago and I’m absolutely struggling.

I am travelling interstate with my partner a 2 year old and 6 week old to be with my dad and sister and feel I don’t have a chance to breathe.

I’m so exhausted waking up each day and knowing I’m going to have the same devastating thoughts about mum and there not being anything I can do about it.

I hate going to bed at night and being alone because I can’t sleep and my mind just ticks.

I don’t know how to get through this. She was so young, I’m only 30 and it’s so hard to come to terms with her not being here to watch my boys grow up.

Topic

[carolinedeg]

I’m sorry to hear of your loss.

[VM_Lavender]

Dear @melrose,

Thank you for sharing your recent and significant loss of your beloved Mum. It sounded like an extremely scary and disorienting time witnessing your Mum collapse in hospital when you were there to pick her up. An unexpected passing of a loved one like your Mum can be so shocking and painful. That is great to hear you have a supportive community around you and your Dad during this time. It must be so hard to not have that daily contact with your Mum anymore and to try and be strong for your Dad and others. I hope you can have the space and quiet moments to grieve in the way you need to, to take care of yourself. You may have seen some of the resources we have on our website like this article, https://griefline.org.au/resources/coping-with-grief/ which speaks of continuing our bond with our loved one while accepting they are gone at tip 3. We also have our helpline (1300 845 745) you can call 7 days a week 8am-8pm AEDT if you would ever like some space to anonymously chat about what is going on for you. Thank you again for sharing and we are here listening, take care.

[VM- VioletH]

Hi @sfg2,
Losing your mum so suddenly is undoubtedly a deep and profound shock that has rearranged your world in a moment. It’s a very normal part of the grieving process after a shock like this for your thoughts to loop and feel that you just can’t turn off, your mind is trying to make sense of something that just doesn’t make sense right now.I know nighttime can feel especially hard when the world quiets down, our thoughts and our grief can feel louder.

It sounds like you are navigating the loss of your mum on so many levels at the moment, in her role as mum to you and grandparent to your sons, grieving the loss of those expectations of the future is just as real as the physical loss of your mum.
Please know you’re showing incredible strength right now just by showing up for your boys, your partner, your family, but know it’s okay to reach out for help and support here whenever you need to, or when you feel able you can call us on our Helpline 1300 845 745 8am to 8pm: 7 days (AEDT). Sometimes people find it helpful to talk through feelings with someone other than friends or family, where they can sit with their own grief and not have to worry about how their emotions might affect others.

[melrose]

I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is extremely difficult. It’s overwhelming and challenging to process everything and all the thoughts. My mum died unexpectedly few weeks ago too. I was at the hospital to pick her up and she collapsed in front of me. I’m still in shock and don’t want to believe she is gone. We receive comforting support from family and friends but also need to support my dad who is struggling. Keeping busy is a distraction but the sadness and grief is still there. They say in time we learn to deal with it but it’s so hard and I break down when I’m home alone. I would speak with my mum everyday on phone and see her couple times a week, now she’s gone and I feel empty. Have to be strong.

[VM-Serenity66]

Dear @sfg2,

I can only imagine what a sad, confusing and tumultuous time this must be for you. Dealing with the sorrow of losing your mum so young, and at the same time, dealing with the needs of small children who are unable to understand what has happened (I get that), or that you might need some space to grieve. Since you made it to the forum, I hope that the resources at https://griefline.org.au/resources/ will also be helpful and comforting for you. If you feel up to a supporting conversation in the days and weeks or months to come, caring volunteers are available on the Helpline (8am – 8pm ADST) for a chat. Sometimes it is useful to just clear an anonymous space for 20 minutes and have a chat about what’s going on for you.

@kt35, Thanks so much for being supportive, while attending to your own pain and loss. I hope we are able to support you too.

Take care, both of you.

[sfg2]

Thank you for sharing your experience @kt35. I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss also.

I can relate to everything you have said. Trying to take every day as it comes, but it is so up and down.

I know we have such a long road ahead of us, hearing others share there experiences seems to be incredibly comforting in knowing that we aren’t alone in our grief.

[kt35]

My heart feels the same loss and pain as you have described. I’m 35 and have just lost my mum 3 weeks ago after she had surgery. I unfortunately do not have any advice on how to get through this as I’m truly in the thick of it myself, but I’m taking every day as it comes.
I am supporting my dad and brother and feel so completely drained and exhausted and that I have to be strong for them. When I go home at night that’s when I crumble. All I can say from my own experience is that when supporting them gets too much for you, please take time to yourself. It’s okay for them to know you can’t do everything and try your best not to feel guilty that you need to grieve in your space.

[Author]

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