Sudden death of my beloved dog

[michscout]

Our beloved Border Collie Scout died very suddenly in my arms 2 days ago. A week ago she was running in the park as normal.
Unknown to us, she had an aggressive blood cancer that shows zero symptoms. Brutal. We only picked up on it Sunday night when I felt a large lump near her neck and then found a large disturbing skin rash. We told our 10 year old twins at 6pm that night that things weren’t looking too good when she wasn’t eating and couldn’t move. I slept with her Sunday night and it was awful. Her breathing was labored and she was yelling in pain. There wasn’t anything I could do other than comfort her. At 6.30 in the morning when it was looking like the end, I yelled to husband and kids to come downstairs. They made it in time for her last stretch and breath. She died in my arms. I feel so helpless. We had 12 hours to prepare. I have comfort in the fact she died at home, on her terms, in her bed with her loves ones around, but I’m having huge problems processing the suddenness and the pain she was in. It’s called
Hemangiosarcoma- has anyone’s pet had this?
I feel lost, broken, a shell of myself.tryinf to support the kids and failing. They are stronger than me. They are a year younger than Scout was and don’t know life without her. Scout was my everything. She was my person and I was hers. I loved her beyond words and can’t believe she’s not here. I don’t want to he in the house. There are reminders of her everywhere. She turned 12 last week. She was my shadow and constant companion. I changed jobs around to be with her. I don’t see the point of being here with out her and am so so lost

Topic

[abc01]

Hello mishscout,

I hope you are doing as well as you can. I too just lost my fur baby nearly 3 weeks ago abruptly and in different circumstances. He was killed at 3&1/2. I feel your pain and devastation. Home doesn’t feel comfortable for me either. My cat was my whole world everyday and I spent everyday with him, mingling our everyday routine and moments together. I did everything in my power to protect him and he should of been, but the rest of the world didn’t.

I too am lost. I too am struggling whilst other people around me appear to be getting on with life. I have daily guilt for something that isn’t my fault, I can’t even fathom how I am supposed to live everyday or moment without him and am so afraid of everyday that passes is moving me further away from him.

I want to assure you, you are not alone. Every feeling you are having is valid and right for you. When someone who is so integral to our daily being is suddenly missing,the world as we know it isn’t right anymore and may never be again. I have people daily telling me to get another cat to help me heal from this death. It angers me beyond words.

4 years ago my previous cat,who was also my world (and my 1st child in my eyes) suddenly became unresponsive at midnight on a Saturday. He had been fine 4 hours before. I managed to get him to an emergency vet but by 2am I had to get him euthanised as he wasn’t coming back. His heart had failed and it was the right thing to do. He passed in my arms and I watched it all and was there to provide the comfort,love,presence and smell of me to him. YOU too saw your beloved out of this world. You were their strength,their love and the last person they wanted to be with in their last breath. I didn’t find comfort in that for along time,but eventually I am proud I was there for THEM. It is part of our duty to love them every second of their lives. And you did that. Animals are known to hide any illnesses from us until they are really bad. Don’t blame yourself.

I too feel like I don’t want to be here right now. I too am incredibly lost. I feel as if I am stuck in a loop of my body being alive,but my mind can’t connect to it and do nothing but think all sorts of thoughts all the time. I can’t relax and I have other animals I need to look after. But they don’t make me feel like how my beloved cat does. The love is still there and strong on your side,but it no longer flows to your love in the physical state.

These might not help you,they might not help me sometimes but:
Writing down my current thoughts that are plaguing me in a notebook I can throw away when I feel ready,can get them out into the world/open and expressed for that moment. Who cares if I write the same thing over and over. It isn’t for anyone else to read.
Connecting with a psychologist is a great speaking outlet for your thoughts and gaining coping strategies. Even just validation. Medicare Mental Health Plans from a GP can help you connect to services. Psychologists regularly operate out of GP offices too. You can write down questions that plague you the most and discuss them.
Getting out for a walk (even in winter) can be a circuit breaker moment to interrupt your day. You can talk out loud to yourself while walking to sort some stuff out or just emerse in the sights and sounds to be present in the act of walking outside. The sunshine can be soo good on a cold and shocked body.
Stay warm if you are in shock or distress. Decaf Tea is keeping me warm without adding any extra caffeine into my already diminished immune system. Our bodies are working on overtime and are exhausted. Eat at breakfast,lunch and dinner even if you aren’t hungry. Our bodies need to survive. Drink water even if you don’t want to. Or you will get dehydrated and that is bad. You are already dealing with a massive event in your life,you don’t need to get any sicker and struggle more.
Don’t isolate yourself. Be with people,hold their hands or hug them. You are vulnerable right now,lean into it.
Don’t talk to people who don’t understand grief or a loss of a family member/pet. They simply won’t be helpful and just frustrating. Don’t let them try to diminish your grief. It is 100% valid.
Talk to your beloved either by saying “Good Morning or Good Night” to them to start and to a picture if that is more to your liking. Then you can just express your feelings until you feel it is enough for your comfort.
Collect small things like fur or whiskers,their most favourite toy or the label of their favourite food. Put them in a safe place for now,and when your ready find a shadow box photo frame and put a photo and a trinket in it and put it on display so it invokes joyful memories. Or create a memory box with your love flowing through it.

And most of all know this. You have loved your beloved every second since you met them. Have done everything in your power to give them the best quality of life with unconditional love,a family and a home. The grief and mourning can overshadow that for the minute,but you will carry and find ways to feel this love again in the future and it will be ongoing. There is no forgetting because they have shaped you into the person you are right now and are apart of your history and legacy.

If you want to reach out and talk to me about anything,just reply back and I will try to reply as soon as possible.
I am so sorry about your loss. Please be kind to yourself and not so hard on everything you are not doing during your time of mourning,but praise yourself for everything you are doing despite how you feel.
ABC01

[VM-Apples23]

Hi @michscout

Your story is a testament to the dedication we have to our pets. They are a part of the family :))
Despite all that occurred I am pleased to hear she passed with her people, in her home. You and your family are so courageous in being there for Scout. She loves you, and you her. You brought peace to her final moments.
From what I’m hearing the shock is still very raw and present in your mind. It can be very difficult when we feel as though we have no control in the matter. I’d encourage you to bring this up with either your family, or with an extended support network such as Griefline. We would love to hear your story.

In future, perhaps you could commemorate Scout’s memory by planting something in her honour, or by creating a memory box with her items of which your family can return to in order to feel her presence.
In taking the next steps in your grief journey, be patient and gracious to yourself. There is no shame in grieving a companion animal in the same way you would grieve a human.
Take care, and we look forward to hearing from you again.
Apples.

[VM-stitch]

Hi michscout, I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through right now.

The overwhelming pain you’re experiencing is a testament to the deep love you and your family have for Scout. Allow yourself to sit with the sorrow and the pain. Don’t fight it, let it wash over you completely. Remember, Scout’s passing isn’t the end. Her memory will continue to live on within you and your family.

During this difficult time, you may find some comfort in reading materials available at https://griefline.org.au/resources/losing-a-pet/. Additionally, if you’re located in Victoria, there’s a Pet Bereavement workshop scheduled for Saturday, May 25th, 2024. Perhaps attending this workshop could provide you with some solace https://events.humanitix.com/navigating-pet-bereavement-understanding-healing-and-remembering-together

[VM_karina34]

Hi michscout,
I am so so sorry for what you and your family are going through right now and I know there is nothing I or anyone else can say to make it better.
My partner and I lost our 11 year old beaglier Floyd last October to inoperable cancer and it was one of the hardest things we ever had to go through. He also died in our arms, at the vet, and it was his time, but none of the mental preparation helped. You just can’t prepare for something like this. Our pets are 100% members of our family, they have personalities, they understand us just like we understand them and I know that there are people out there who can’t relate to how that feels, but we grieve just as hard for pets as for humans. Unfortunately that is the price we pay for loving them so much…
It will take a long time to heal but I would encourage you to just allow yourself to feel all the emotions. Cry when you need to and I would also encourage your children to cry if they need to and as much as they need to, crying can be almost cathartic. But I also encourage you to remember all the beautiful moments with Scout, remember all the cuddles, all the times she made you laugh or smile, remember all the beautiful walks and remember that you gave her the best life possible. And I guarantee you, she loved you just as much as you loved her.
This is going to hurt for a long, long time, it might even hurt forever, but as time passes the feeling of sadness won’t be so overwhelming anymore and the first thing that comes to your mind when you think of Scout won’t be pain, but joy, because you will remember the happiness she brought you and your family.
If you ever feel the need to talk to someone who can relate you are more than welcome to call Griefline ( 1300 845 745 between the hours of 8am and 8pm, 7 days a week (AEST/AEDT)). You might also find the resources here helpful: https://griefline.org.au/resources/losing-a-pet/

I wish you a lot of strength and hope you find comfort in knowing you are not alone.

[Author]

Replies