Still Numb, Still Grieving

[downennumb]

I really wish I knew my dad more as a person, I wish we decided to admit him into hospital sooner when we sensed he had a relapse after remission, what makes this feel worse is that we were meant to fly overseas to see our extended family again this year.

Topic

[missingsomeone]

I’m so sorry about your dad

[VM-Serenity66]

@downennumb,

I think perhaps we all suck at talking when in tears. Sometime it’s the tears that do the talking for us, when words just wouldn’t be enough. You showed up for your Dad, and the family when it mattered.

I’m so glad you’ve got your appointment, even if it is a bit of a wait. In the meantime, do your best to notice any tiny changes from day to day. Those little moments when regular life returns for a few minutes, or a few breaths.

It is very kind and compassionate of you to support others on the forums too. Take very good care of yourself.

[vm-oscar-at]

Hi @downennumb,

We may often think or hope that funerals help to bring closure or comfort, but just as with grief, funeral experiences are unique to all of us – no matter how many we may have attended. It can be a mixture of feelings or we can be hit with numbness and speechlessness. If you would like to talk about the funeral experience at all, please reach out to the Helpline for a chat. You may not want or need advice in the moment, and that’s okay. The volunteers are there to give you the opportunity to share what might be ruminating in your mind and finding a way to articulate or just get it out of your mind can be just as helpful in the moment.

I hope the chat with the GP is helpful at the end of the month, and perhaps there are local support groups that may be helpful to connect with others experiencing similar grief and loss. I can also see your support to others on the forum, and I want to thank you for checking in with others.

Please look for the moments and pockets of self-kindness and self-compassion as you move through your grief.

[downennumb]

@VM-Serenity66 the GP appointment is at the end of the month

unfortunately i was genuinely speechless when I was greeted with his ashes, very contrasting to my mum who was very vocal of the absence of my dad’s soul. i suck at talking when in tears

[VM-Serenity66]

@downennumb, I’m sure it is a bit scary, if you feel that you haven’t been coping well from day to day. Nevertheless, there can sometimes be a lot of unexpected healing that comes from family rituals around mourning. Every family and culture does those things in their own way, and sometimes the important thing is having other people around you to know that you are not going through this by yourself. Leading up to Friday, perhaps there are some self-care things that you can do to help you feel prepared, like getting your clothes ready, getting enough sleep, or even writing something to say for your Dad when you’re there if that’s appropriate.

I hope your GP appointment works out too. Sometimes your wellbeing has to take priority.
All the best.

[downennumb]

@VM-Serenity66 Still not feeling great, I think I’m going to the cemetery on Friday to mourn for my dad which is a bit scary. Either way, things haven’t really felt better.

I really want to see a GP but the appointment timing isn’t really in my favour, hopefully it works out

[VM-Serenity66]

Dear @downennumb,

I’m sorry to hear that this has settled so heavily on you. Please be patient with yourself as this can be a long journey. Sometimes our numbness is a protective response, and other feelings will emerge with time, when they are ready. If these down and heavy feelings are persisting and interfering with your day-to-day life though, it is always a good idea to see your GP to make sure that something else is not going on at the same time, or to get a more specialised referral.

If you are feeling numb and sad, it can also be helpful to connect with Beyond Blue (1300 224 636) or chat with their online service.

Meanwhile, your Griefline community is here for you in the forums, and we are ready to hear your story if you are ready for a chat on the Helpline.

Kindness.

[downennumb]

i’m still feeling down, still feeling numb

[VM-Serenity66]

Dear @downennumb,

It sounds so hard to be grieving your Dad, and also grieving his future reunions with your family. I read on the other thread that it’s only been a month since your Dad passed away. That’s so recent, and it’s natural for you to be missing him terribly. It’s also natural to be apprehensive about burdening others with your grief. At the same time, friends and family can be a deep source of comfort and healing, and sometimes when you connect over your grief, you can be helping each other through a difficult time. When people love you, it can be hard for them to watch you hurting.

I’m glad to hear that you have support from your Uni with counselling and extensions. Perhaps this is a time to be a little bit gentle with yourself, and not judge yourself too harshly for not performing at your best. Grief takes a lot out of us. It can be very tiring, make us feel intensely, make us numb, and occupy a lot of our thinking. This may go up and down for a little while for you. It can keep going when everyone else thinks it should be over. Everyone’s experience is unique, yet strangely common to our humanity. You are always welcome to keep in touch with us here on the forums, or have an anonymous chat on the Helpline (1300 845 745). You don’t have to do this alone. We are a community who has known loss, and we want to help support you through it.

Keep doing the little things day-to-day that keep you well.

A gentle guide to self-care after loss: The E.A.S.T. approach

• This reply was modified 3 weeks, 2 days ago by VM-Serenity66.

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