So many new emotions after losing my 11yo cat

[learningtocarry]

I had never had my own pets until my brother brought home 2 beautiful cats who soon came to be under my sole care. I developed the strongest bond with one of them – her name was Nuggy. She was my absolute everything, the only thing that could cheer me up when nothing else in the world could. I don’t really have friends and I don’t have a good relationship with my family so – aside from my husband – she was my true love and my best friend and my family all in one. She was by my side every second of every day, and slept on my pillow at night. She never complained or wanted anything from me. She was truly the most perfect cat. In January this year she was diagnosed with a heart condition and I gave her daily medication. Just last week she wet herself while sitting on the couch with us so we took her to emergency. Her lungs were full of fluid and her breathing was rapid. I don’t believe the vet diagnosed her properly back in January so the meds weren’t very effective, but I am doing my best not to blame everything on them. Emergency gave her steroids which reduced the fluid, but she wasn’t drinking or eating. The next day the fluid had returned in her lungs meaning her heart wasn’t pumping blood well enough. She was only 3 days in Emergency when we made the decision to let her go and I’ve been struggling, questioning whether we should have given her more time. We had the option to insert a tube into her neck to feed her but I couldn’t handle the thought of this little baby being fed through a tube like that. We didn’t know if feeding her would help with her energy levels or if she would basically be bed-ridden because of her heart condition. The emergency vets seemed to suggest putting her down was a better option….
I can’t get the image of her face out of my mind as the euthanasia was administered. I felt so horrible then, and I feel horrible now thinking/knowing that I ended her life. I haven’t been able to eat or sleep much since then because I feel guilty. I feel like I shouldn’t be able to enjoy anything because she isn’t here to enjoy life. I’m afraid to ever adopt a new pet because I couldn’t bear going through this pain ever again. I also lost my job last October and haven’t been able to find meaning employment since then so I’m really struggling with my sense of self atm and losing her has just exacerbated that so much.
I have lost my soul cat and I am completely numb. I feel so alone now, especially when I am at home because she is not there next to me or curled up on my lap. It’s crazy just how quiet it is without her. I miss her so, so much.

Topic

[VMToby]

Dear Learningtocarry,

I was so saddened to learn about the loss of your beautiful cherished cat Nuggy who was part of your life for eleven years.
The love and loyalty that our pets give us is so unconditional and in many ways we do not realise how much until they are not with us.
Nuggy had the most wonderful life with you and your Family,how fortunate was she.
The adjustment without her is real and will take time to work through and learn to live with, in particular because in the end everything happened so quickly.

One of the hardest roles we may have to play in our pet’s life is the decision to put them asleep because their quality of life is not as they deserve.
The feelings you have are normal as Nuggy became so unwell so quickly and a decision had to be made then.
Remember the vet suggested it also and they very much have the animals welfare in mind always.
I know you did not want Nuggy to suffer in anyway and that is why sometimes the hardest decision is the right one.

Please take care of yourself as you learn to live without Nuggy.
Call griefline when you are up to talking about the loss of Nuggy or look at their online resources about petloss and self care.
It is important you took after yourself too.

[VM-Blizzy]

Dear learningtocarry,

So deeply sorry that you have lost your best friend. You say that you never had pets before having Nuggy and took her in. Sounds like you are a very loving and caring person. Nuggy was your safe place and gave you a lot of comfort and joy. She loved you completely and sounds like you both really had a beautiful connection. The love you had for her will never go away.
You say you feel guilty. Know that you did not let her down but instead saved her from suffering. Even when she got sick you helped giver her daily medication and did everything the vet told you to do. When you saw something wasn’t right you took her straight to emergency and were attentive and responded to her needs. She fell asleep while with you feeling safe and loved.
Now you are not only grieving the loss of your job, but also the loss of your cat, which would be overwhelming and very painful to the extent that you are feeling numb and struggling with your sense of self. Since you are at home alone, and she used to be your companion, it is extra quiet at home without her.

Wondering what you can do right now to care for yourself? You say you are unable to eat or sleep well. Prioritising self care, like getting up every day, making a healthy breakfast to start off, setting yourself a daily task like a walk in the park, and spending time with family and friends and having a night routine before sleeping can help.

Here are a couple of resources on grieving a pet and hope it helps. https://griefline.org.au/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/Griefline-Losing-a-Pet-Fact-Sheet-EN.pdf and https://griefline.org.au/resources/losing-a-pet/

We are also here at Griefline helpline if you would like to connect and chat with a caring volunteer. Please reach out on 1300 845 745. We are open from 9-6pm Mon-Fri and 12-6pm Sat-Sun AEST.

Take care.

[vmmaggie]

So sorry to read about the loss of your much adored cat Nuggy…a faithful companion whose declining health was managed by you in such an amazing way…
It seems that valiant efforts of yours and others could not restore Nuggy’s condition and further interventions would have actually prolonged a sense of suffering and discomfort rather than improve.
Hopefully you have photos (may be beside the occasionally lit candle) of Nuggy and the happy memories.
Where ever Nuggy is in that timeless land no doubt is thinking ‘how lucky I was to have someone like you’

[Author]

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