parent and loss

[rosie001]

My father is at end of life. In the back of my mind I’ve known it would happen at some stage. End stage kidney failure , heart disease. The time is here now, and it feels sudden. I was talking to him one night, the next day he took a downward turn. It’s devastating, my best mate. The feelings are overwhelming, and can barely breathe keeping it all together.

Topic

[VM-Daisy]

Hi Rosie001,
I’m very sorry to hear about what you are going through right now. The way you have described it ‘talking with your dad one night and then everything changing the next day’ captures something so real about this kind of loss. Even when we know intellectually that someone is unwell, the moment it actually arrives hits differently. It’s like knowing a storm is coming does not prepare you for when the rain starts falling.
Your dad being your best mate says everything about the relationship you share. That kind of connection, when someone is both parent and friend, confidant and companion, means this moment carries weight that goes beyond what words can really capture. The feeling of barely being able to breathe, of struggling to hold it all together, that makes complete sense given what you are facing.
Right now, in this time before he passes, you are already grieving. You are grieving the changes in his health, the conversations that might not happen, the future you expected to have together. And at the same time, you are trying to be present with him, to show up as his daughter and his friend. That is an enormous ask of yourself.
There is no ‘right’ way to move through grief, and you do not need to hold it all together. In fact, sometimes the bravest thing we can do is let ourselves feel the full weight of our love for someone, particularly, when we are facing losing them.
The strength you are showing by reaching out, by talking about this, by being with your dad through this time. That comes from the deep bond you share with him. Hold onto that.

[Vm-LilBee13]

Hi @rosie001
Thank you for reaching out in this difficult moment. What you are going through sounds incredibly heavy and it makes sense that it feels overwhelming and hard to breathe with everything happening. Even when we know something is coming, the reality of it arriving is completely different. You mentioned that he is your best mate, that says so much about the bond you share. When someone means that much it is natural for the anticipatory grief to feel just as intense as the loss itself. Please remember that there is no right way to move through this, and you don’t have to hold it all together right now. I hope you find space to grieve but also to look after yourself. Be gentle with yourself, and we are for you.

[vm-berry]

Hi Rosie001, I’m so sorry to hear about the grief that you are experiencing, I cannot imagine the pain, shock and anticipation that you are going through right now – it sounds like your father was someone who was so important to you, a best friend. When it comes to this type of grief, your feelings are completely normal and valid. It is evident that your care and love for your family is a strength.

How are ways that you have been able to continue your bond with your dad despite the health conditions that he is experiencing? Self care and being kind to yourself during this difficult time is very important.

Griefline is available on 1300845745 from 6am to 12am if you ever want to share and explore your feelings. You can find some self-care strategies in our article “A gentle guide to self-care after loss: The E.A.S.T. approach” here: https://griefline.org.au/resources/east-self-care-guide/

Griefline is here for you and you can keep in touch with us through this online forum also, please take care!

[Author]

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