My Mum was my Bestie

[ditzy70]

I lost my mum on the 1st of June this year. I had tried calling her over two days and was starting to get worried why she was not answering. We live a about an hour drive away. I had this sickening feeling that things were were not ok. My fear of finding her was heightened.
I arrived at her home and the door was open and the radio going. I went in as she had not locked the front door. The house was ice cold, I found her on her bed.
I can’t get that image out of my head. I shook her telling her to wake up but she was stiff and cold. I went outside to my husband and he knew by my face that she was gone.
I thought I was ok after nearly 5 weeks off and back to work but clearly, I am not. This week I realised that I have not grieved enough and am back feeling like it just happened again.
I thought that keeping myself busy would help but I think that I have made it worse. Any ideas or thoughts would be appreciated.

Topic

[VM-angel33]

Hi @ditzy70

I am really sorry to hear about your Mum. That’s a particularly difficult circumstance and way to have found her.
Please know that Griefline is here to listen if you ever feel like you need to talk. We are available 8am-8pm every day.
I have pasted some resources which may be helpful. If you are in NSW we offer an integrated grief program. There is also support groups if you think that would be helpful.

Coping with Grief

When a loved one dies: a guide to coping with grief and loss

A gentle guide to self-care after loss: The E.A.S.T. approach

If the image stays in your head, you deserve support please know that there are professional supports available, and with a mental health care plan you could receive a rebate from medicare.

Take care.

[VM-Eggo]

Hi @ditzy70,

I’m following up here, after a few weeks, to check in on how you’re doing. Reading about the heartbreaking circumstances of your loss, and how you found your dear mother. It must have been such an awful shock, but I want to acknowledge and commend the courage that it took to reach out to the community here at Griefline.

I hope that you’ve been following @vmmaggie’s advice and have been taking good care of yourself these past two weeks. The Helpline and Forums are here for you if you need some extra support. I’d also like to point you to this article, which contains some great strategies and insights to help with coping with such a heavy loss.

When a loved one dies: a guide to coping with grief and loss

Please keep reaching out to the community as you need it. We’re here to support you.

Best

[ditzy70]

Thankyou vmmaggie

[vmmaggie]

Dear Ditzy70
So sorry to hear of your recent and devastating loss. It is quite understandable that you are numbed by your grief, haunted by your mum’s image … after less than 6 weeks.
It might be the natural order of things that parents die before their children but the sheer inevitability is no cushion to the pain, soul searching and feeling of rudderlessness that so often follows.

Well done for reaching out to Griefline … Hopefully there are other resources on the website that you may find helpful. It is often assumed that within weeks after the funeral, the bereaved person is fine, ready to resume work and get on with life. However there is no timeline for grief. A conversation with your employer re a degree of flexibility to your role in the short term might also be worth considering.
Taking care of yourself – eating (even if only small amounts), exercise and sleep are important plus giving yourself permission to grieve and share memories with others are small steps towards a form of healing
Kind regards

[Author]

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