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Home » Topics » Loss of a loved one » My husband was only 49

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  • #15992
    lakay
    Participant

    I am struggling so badly today. My husband passed away Sunday morning just gone. We thought he just had heartburn and he collapsed suddenly on the kitchen floor. I gave him cpr until help arrived. His heart never started beating again and he died from a massive heart attack. He was not unfit or overweight and he was only 49. Today at the funeral home I got to kiss him and touch his handsome face for the very last time. I can’t believe I will never see or touch my husband again. I’m home now and all his things are around me. Every step I take everything I see makes me want to vomit. The pain rises in my chest and burns when I see his clothes laid out for work. His dressing gown laid out. His car in the driveway. My legs and hands are shaking . I love him so much

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  • #16099
    Bunny69
    Participant

    Hi lakay, my younger brother passed away suddenly on Monday morning 9 Aug 2021. He was only 49 too. To make things worse he was in Indonesia and I am here in Australia during pandemic. It is heartbreaking and it will take time for your mind to process what happen. Especially when you see his things around, it just add to the feeling of loss. Try to slowly reprogram your mind so that when you see his belongings, you see in them not just him, but also yourself. Keep them safely in storage, knowing they mean something to you.

    #15997
    onlinecommunity
    Keymaster

    Dear @lakay, our hearts go out to you for the sudden loss of your husband last Sunday. We are glad that you have reached out for peer support here on the forums and are hoping you also have a caring support network at home… this is a time to lean on others and reach out for as much help as you can from as many sources as are available to you. Losing someone so unexpectedly and in such a traumatic way either leaves us feeling numb and in a daze or with a whirlwind of confusing emotions and thoughts. Our article on the Resource Hub “Understanding Trauma” says “Central to the experience of trauma is that none of it makes sense at the time nor for some time following the event. As a result, there may be feelings of confusion, disbelief, despair, low mood, anxiety, fear of losing control, panic, helplessness, guilt, loss of motivation and interest in the outside world, amongst other responses. You may find yourself crying and sobbing at unexpected times or places and not know why.
    Your hands shaking, nausea and chest pain sounds like it might be quite frightening for you however we want you to be assured that though severe, they sound like typical somatic reactions to a traumatic grief experience such as yours. We first ‘feel’ our emotions in our muscle and nervous systems before a signal is sent to our mind to create the emotion. It may soothe you to know that these are all normal human responses to a traumatic experience. And everyone’s experience of grief, loss and/or trauma is completely individual. That being said, a visit to your GP would be advisable for extra support.
    At this early stage, we hope you are able to practice self-care. Be kind and gentle on yourself – remember to eat, get enough sleep if you can, try to do a little exercise if possible – it all helps to keep you strong enough to get through these early days. And you will get through them.
    We hope to hear from you soon – we are here for you as you embark on this grief journey. We will walk alongside you. You are not alone. 🌸

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