My beautiful bear. Please read i need advice

[ellasloan45]

I did not think I would be making this post for a long time. But unfortunately my worst nightmare has come true. First I would like to tell you about my baby, I got him when I was 12 years old (2018) as a birthday present i begged my parents for a puppy and they finally caved and got me a rottweiler x Doberman. Bear was with me during highschool which was the hardest point in my life so far. He was genuinely my ONLY friend for a while there. He was such a beautiful playful dog, he had beautiful brown eyes and a really pretty pattern on his chest. I had extremely anxiety and depression and bear became an emotional support dog everytime he even got the smallest indication that i was sad he would come over and cuddle with me. I had planned my entite future around this dog, i brought a van for us to travel around my home state in. Unfortunately for me bear was an amazing escape artist and When he was young he killed a couple of chickens but with some training I got him out of it. July 2023 my family went on holiday overseas for 3 weeks and we trusted my at the time best friends brother who was a professional dog sitter, to look after the house and dogs. When we came back home all of the animals were starved ( btw we showed him several times how to feed all the animals and even left a manual with very clear instructions and we had contact with him the entire trip and he said nothing) I was heart broken. The only way bear survived was because he escaped and ate the chickens. My ex best friend gave me a million excuses for why this happened stupid ones like the dogs could’ve gotten bitten by snakes, he is dyslexic so he couldn’t read the instructions etc I ended the friendship immediately.
After this happened I could not get bear out of killing the chickens and he ended up killing them all. I placed up an electric fence around the yard hoping to keep him in but on the 14th of December 2024 he escaped and managed to kill a sheep, my mother was distraught and said he needed to be put down the next day, this conversation caused an argument between my sister (who is 25 and should know better) and I ( as her dog killed my cat a while back and didn’t get put down) and she punched me in the face. I cancelled work the next day and took him to go get some maccas, took him to our beach and we went to the pet shop to pick out a toy. I thought my mum had organised to get him put down with the injection but I was wrong. She organised this lady to come over and shoot him, I was obviously distraught and I sat on the couch with my boyfriend while bear was taken out the back and killed.

I feel so alone. Like I’ve lost my life purpose and the worst part is I have to sell that van tomorrow for unrelated reasons, but I’m not ready to let go.

Rest in peace to my best friend
Bear

Topic

[abc01]

Dear ellasloan45,

I am sorry for the loss of your Bear. I remember your post about the loss of your cat. It certainly isn’t easy to lose your furry family members, but in the ways you have is really hard and distressing. I can understand that it is hard to let go of something that you had planned such great adventures in and with your best friend, like your van.

But it is hard when a domestic animal kills other animals. The likelihood that they will do it again is a factor that you have to consider as a responsible pet owner. And by that reasoning if Bear had to put down, then the dog who killed your cat, should also have been put down. So I can see the glaring unfairness in that. It sounds like your home has a tricky dynamic. And it may be time to reflect on whether you should have any other animals until it can be changed or you are able to move out and provide an environment where these obstacles aren’t a reality. The anxiety alone would be so hard. And you tried what you could to try to deter Bear’s actions. Actions that you didn’t start or cause.

This doesn’t diminish your heartache and loss. But it sounds as if alot of things are out of your control. And that is hard. The fact that you love Bear so much and was your greatest friend is very lovely. Please try and remember all the good moments you had with Bear.

The person who was supposed to look after them, well what can you say. You said it all. It is horrible and tragic.
I hope you won’t be offended by my reply. You asked for advice and I don’t want to hurt you anymore then you are. I just don’t want you to experience anymore heartache, especially if the boyfriend’s dog is still around.

Please take care of yourself.
ABC01

• This reply was modified 3 months, 2 weeks ago by abc01.

[vmrose33]

Dear ellasloan45,

I am so sorry to hear what happened to Bear, both last year and now. Thank you for telling us a bit about him; I can hear how special he was, as a friend and emotional support, as well as a very big part of your future goals. You worked with him to keep the chickens safe, but were badly let down by someone you thought would care for him. On top of that, it sounds like there has been a lot of stress and conflict in your family, and you have lost your main emotional support person (and best friend before that).

I can see that you have strength and courage in reaching out for support for yourself, as you have done here. I’m wondering what other resources you have available to you now for support/coping during this tough time? For example, your boyfriend or anyone else who might have capacity to be there for you, or any activities that you find relaxing or enjoyable?

There are some good articles and tips on the Griefline website you might like to look at as well as other sites and support services including Headspace, Reachout and Lifeline.

Take care,

vmrose33

[VM-Dixie25]

Dear ellasloan45

I am so sorry to hear what you have been through. It sounds like a traumatic and horrific experience losing your best friend Bear, who has been an awesome emotional support dog for you over the past few years. I can understand that you are feeling alone and let down by the situation and not ready to let go after the sudden loss of Bear. Also having your best mate killed out the back and not taken to the vet to be put to sleep sounds very distressing and horrific, along with fighting with your family over the situation and not receiving empathy from your family.

I can hear in your message how much you loved and cared for Bear, and still do- taking him on adventures with you, planning your trip in the van with him and trying to contain him in the yard so that he is safe and unable to get out to the chickens.

Our volunteers here at Griefline are available for you to reach out to if you would like to talk about these feelings more- 1300 845 745 (8AM – 8PM, 7 days, AEST) or reading some of the responses on this forum from other people who have lost a loved pet outside of their control may be of help. This may also be a helpful resource for you https://griefline.org.au/resources/losing-a-pet/

Take Care

vmdixie25

[Author]

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