Mum passed 5 days ago

[j1245]

My mum passed from lung cancer 5 days ago. I’m 20. I am really struggling to cope and can’t help but think that she must’ve been so lonely in the months leading up to her death because I left her for university. At the time I was unaware it was this severe, as she kept it hidden from family until she was admitted to the hospital. I wasn’t there for her last birthday or her last mother’s day. The day before she passed she couldn’t even talk, but she grabbed my hand as I was leaving and I pulled away. I miss her so much and feel like I let her down. I don’t know what to do.

Topic

[VMToby]

I was so sorry to read that you lost your Mum at such a young age.

Losing a parent at any age is so difficult and it saddens me that you are left with so much guilt about not spending more time with her and for important events in your Mum’s life.
I have no doubt if you knew what was happening with your Mum’s health you would have come home more often.

Your Mum sounded a wonderful person who did not want to burden you with what she was going through and she wanted you to enjoy your life at University. It sounds as if she was very proud of you that you were there and she wanted you to continue to enjoy your time there.

If you would like to talk to someone about your Mum and how you are missing her so much please call Griefline on 1300 845 745, Victorian time Monday to Friday 9-6pm or on Saturday and Sunday 12-6pm.We are here to support you as you navigate life without your beautiful Mum.

Take care of yourself.

[downennumb]

Hi @j1245, sending my condolences through

please consider seeking uni support services such as equity support, counselling services, GP services and chaplaincies, dont go through this alone when there is a support network at uni. out of the options the GP might be the be best so u can get a mental health care plan sorted which subsidises 10 counselling sessions for the year

sending my best wishes through per usual

[vmmaggie]

Dear j1245
Heartfelt condolences on the recent death of your Mum when only aged 20 … even more jarring with approach of Mothers Day this weekend. Mum obviously shielded you from the serious nature of her illness out of a sense of protection and love and no doubt wanted your studies to continue uninterrupted.
The reality of what has happened is probably something you are still processing; similarly so for other family members and friends.
Try as best you can to practise good self care via nutritional eating (even if appetite poor) moderate exercise and some sleep.
It is normal for that sheer feeling of rudderlessness when a parent dies. Hopefully you are able to seek student counselling or whatever support you think
would be appropriate, and in the meantime honour Mum’s memory by sharing her story with others to help ease the pain.

[VM-Rosie24]

I am so sorry to read that you’ve Lost your mum. Losing a parent is such a significant loss and can come with an enormous amount of pain.

It sounds like you had a deep love for your mum and the guilt you’re feeling is such a common part of grief. I wonder if you can look at your situation of going to university as not abandoning her, but more so living your life in the way parents hope their children will. It sounds like your mum chose to protect you from how severe things were, and that says a lot about her love for you.

When people are dying, there are so many moments we replay and wish we could change. But one instinctive moment does not erase years of love and memories. As for what to do, try to take things slowly. Stay close to supportive family and friends who feel safe and be gentle with yourself. Feel free to call the helpline for a chat if you’re up to it. Take care and sending you love.

[Author]

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