Lost my mother

[viper1829]

My mother passed away about a month ago now, she fought against Alzheimer’s Disease for 6 years before it finally took her.

I just don’t know what to do without her, she wasn’t just my mother, she was my best friend, my emotional rock, the person I could talk to when I faced the world. I don’t have friends, I don’t have social contacts. My family? Well my brother has his own life and my father, I mean I love him to death but he’s not a person you can talk emotions with.

I try to tell myself that it’s better her pain is over but it doesn’t work. I’m just so empty. I want her back but I know that’s not possible.

Life just seems so pointless right now. Like why am I even here? What am I doing?

*sigh*. I’ll probably delete this at some point. But I needed to get things off my chest.

Topic

[kerber]

Hi Viper1892,

I’m so very sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing and letting how you feel out. I lost my Mum in October 2024 after only 5 months of fighting Leukaemia. It was a hard road but I couldn’t even imagine having to watch my Mum slowing lose herself for 6years. It’s so good you got to have that time with her though.
I find it doesn’t matter what anyone says to you, it won’t make you feel better and you do feel so alone even though there’s so many other people going through this. Your relationship with your Mum was unique and no one will ever understand your grief as it’s personal.
My Mum and I were so close she practically lived with me. We used to read each others minds, the bond between mother and child is forever.
I do find that talking to her helps a little. I have a bit of a cry and tell her I miss her then I talk about my life lately and fill her in.
Hold on, I’ve been told it gets better.
Having family around I find hasn’t helped me.
I use a lot of distractions, work, kids, animals and TV. If I’m doing a mind numbing jobs like folding or washing up I always have my phone on watching something. I also use my phone to go to sleep.

[VM_ddd]

Dear Viper1892,

I’m so deeply sorry for your loss. Losing a mother is heartbreaking, but losing someone who was also your best friend, your emotional rock, and the person who truly understood you makes the pain even heavier. I can’t begin to imagine how empty and lost you must feel, but I want you to know that your words are heard, and your pain is valid.

It’s completely understandable that telling yourself she is no longer in pain doesn’t bring comfort, it doesn’t take away the ache of missing her. Grief doesn’t follow logic, and there’s no ‘right’ way to navigate it. It’s just raw, overwhelming, and at times, unbearably lonely. But please know that even in this emptiness, you are not alone.

I hear you when you say that life feels pointless right now. It’s okay to feel that way, and I’m glad you chose to share your feelings here rather than keeping them bottled up. Even if it doesn’t feel like it now, you are still here for a reason, and your presence matters.

If you ever want to talk, this space is here for you. And if today all you can do is breathe and take things moment by moment, that’s more than enough. Be gentle with yourself, you don’t have to go through this alone.

[abc01]

Dear Viper1829,

I am sorry to hear of your mother’s passing.
A month is a drop in the ocean in terms of grief. It is still so incredibly raw and fresh.
It is normal to feel empty and want her back.
It is normal for life to be pointless right now.
Your life has changed, and it is an unwanted change. Finding your feet on solid ground, is tricky.
I am sure your mother wants you here. Your kindness, your loving nature or your sense of humor. They way you were best friends. I am sure she wants you to continue to share that with others, including your brother and father. At whatever levels you can continue too at the moment.
Grief is the hardest because you love so hard.
That is beautiful.

Please try to look after yourself,
ABC01

[VM-alithos11]

Viper1829

I’m so sorry to hear about how your mum passed away about a month ago,
battle with Alzheimer’s Disease for 6 years is a huge effort on yours and her part.
The courage it would have taken for all of you, my gosh.

Not knowing what to do without her is such a normal feeling having lost your mum.
With dementia, we lose them a little at a time….over and over and over
but the final breath still comes as gigantic as any loss.

Our parents aren’t just these people who raise us, they are are often our best friend, [our truest friend]
our rock, our fortress…. so much provision and protection in the one person….
Mums in particular we can talk to when we face the world’s trials and tribulations.

With your brother, even though he has his own life, is it worth considering reaching out and commiserate together,
let him know how much you’re hurting and that you’re there for him too? Sometimes, all it takes is an act of
courage in the face of all the vulnerability and emotion we are trying to make our way around.

Your father, can you do the same and perhaps give each other the space to say and feel whatever each of you are able to?
He may not be good talking emotions but he still has them and perhaps you could prove a wonderful inspiration for him.
The Pain from loss transforms souls and hearts like nothing else.

Its natural trying to console ourselves and we shouldn’t stop doing so, we just need to accept our feelings and pain of loss and
keep doing our best to hold up, despite how we feel on the inside.
If we need to crawl into a hole for a day and endlessly weep, so be it.
Do it, exhaust the tears, spend the pain.

Keep keeping it real.

• This reply was modified 5 months ago by VM-alithos11.

[VM-Loki23]

Dear Viper1892

I can hear your love for your mother and how much she meant to you. I also hear your pain and anguish in your loss and the existential crisis of loosing purpose and meaning and feeling lost. These are normal responses in the grieving process. You have done well to reach out to this forum to share your thoughts.

In time, you may consider keeping a journal to write your grief journey with its thoughts and feelings. Or you may want to consider writing a letter to your mother with how it is for you right now and how much she means to you. These and other tips are recommended in the article below.

Coping with Grief

Everyone’s grief journey is unique and singular. Here at Griefline we honour every grief journey, so if you feel compelled to talk about yours please ring us on the Helpline 1300 845 745. We are here to support you in your grief.

Walk gently.

[vmmay7]

Dear Viper1892,

Firstly, thank you for reaching out and sharing with us, and I send you my deepest condolences on the loss of your Mother. Losing someone as important as your Mother must be so incredibly hard, especially when she was your best friend and closest confidant. The emptiness you’re feeling right now makes so much sense, as she was such a central part of your life, your safe space, and the person you leaned on for comfort and support. When someone like that is gone, it can feel as if the ground has been pulled out from beneath us.

Grief is especially hard when you feel isolated, without close friends or family to talk to the pain can feel harder to cope with. Many of us here in the Griefline community can share your feelings of being lost, and of asking ourselves what the purpose of life is without our loved one beside us. These questions of “why” and “what’s the point” are actually very common in grief, especially when the pain feels overwhelming. You’re not alone in all of these feelings, we hear you.
Sometimes, just taking things one small step at a time can help. You don’t have to have all the answers right now. Sometimes just expressing these thoughts can be a powerful step toward finding some relief and understanding.

If you’d like to talk through your feelings in a safe, supportive space, Griefline’s helpline is here for you. Sometimes having someone to listen, someone who understands what you’re going through can help in those moments of loneliness. You can reach Griefline on 1300 845 745 (open 8 am to 8 pm, 7 days), it’s a space where you can openly share your emotions without judgement.

Also, if you ever feel overwhelmed or in emotional distress, services like Beyond Blue and Lifeline are also available for immediate support 24/7. Both services can be valuable resources if you ever feel like you need someone to talk to, especially during challenging moments.
Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636
Lifeline: 13 11 14

Thank you again for reaching out and please continue to share here, if it’s helpful to you. We’re here to listen and support you however we can.

Take care

[Author]

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