Lost my dad during a very difficult time

[poppie]

I lost my dad quite quickly while I was helping my son out with his marriage break down. My so. Was the victim of domestic violence and I was right in there with him during the first part of his separation and custody battle. During all the court cases is when my dad took sick and he passed . I didn’t make it to him in time. After his death I have felt like I have had to keep going helping Son and others. Without really accepting what has happened. Because of my dad passing and my mum being quite unwell with dementia and bowel cancer she ended up in a nursing home and she is struggling. Feeling like I haven’t been given the chance to really absorb all that has happened. And I’ve just been expected to keep pushing

Topic

[Vm-LilBee13]

Hi @poppie,
It makes sense that you feel unable to fully absorb what has happened. You have been navigating three massive crises/losses without a single moment to breathe. You are now allowed to pause and care for yourself. It’s okay to stop pushing, even it’s for a little bit. And the guilt about not reaching your dad in time can feel heavy. When you feel ready, a gentle way to find some relief is to write a letter to your dad. You don’t need to finish it or show it to anyone, just let the words come out on the page. Take your time. We are here for you.

[vm-Maisy]

Hi @poppie.
How lucky your son is to have you, to walk beside in life. It is impossible to be in more than one place at a time and or to give of ourselves what we don’t already have. I hear you trying to stay afloat to look after others around you. I wonder how you are filling up your own cup in between these times? we tend to burn out if we keep giving without taking time to fill ourselves up.
I’m going to link some resources below to help make sure you are looking after yourself as best you can.
The first one is around anticipatory grief and gives information for family of patients with dementia https://griefline.org.au/resources/understanding-anticipatory-grief/
the second is around sleep hygiene which is a good source to have and sometimes I forget to do myself when life gets busy and hard https://griefline.org.au/resources/sleep-tips/
the last resource discusses self-care https://griefline.org.au/resources/east-self-care-guide/
Lastly, please reach out via our phone line to chat if you need, and please look after yourself.

[VM_MaKemi10]

Dear Poppy,

I am so sorry for the loss of your dad. Thank you for reaching out and for having the courage to share your experience at such an incredibly painful and challenging time. I cannot begin to imagine the depth of what you are feeling right now.

You have had to deal with difficult situations all at the same time; your son’s separation, your dad’s death and your mum’s health challenges & subsequent move to nursing home. It is understandable that you feel you have not been given the chance to absorb all that has happened. I cannot imagine the depth of what you are feeling now.

At moments like these, it is helpful to have a trusted network of people around you to share the weight you are bearing. Griefline’s helpline is here for you. If you would like to speak to someone about how you are feeling, please call 1300 845 745. We are open 7 days a week from 8am – 8pm (AEST).

Keep connected through the forum as well, there are other people who have been through a similar experience and willing to share their journey with you.

[Author]

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