Loss of my child and my world around it

[lilliam]

I don’t know who I am anymore.
I’m a mother, but I wake up to one less child everyday.
He was taken so suddenly from me with no notice.
He was here one minute and gone 6 later, I still don’t know why, how life can be so cruel, I got almost 7 years with him to see him grow to watch this vibrant loving little boy light up a room.
He hated being sad or seeing people unhappy and here I am left masking everyday, trying to smile for his twin and older brother and doing it alone.
I have friends and supports but each night I lay with his teddy alone and yearn for it to be a nightmare.
I dont know what I’m expecting from this, its been 7 months since I lost the absolute light of my life and I just dont see an end to the physical pain I feel in my heart everyday waking up knowing hes no longer standing next to me.

• This topic was modified 3 weeks, 1 day ago by lilliam.
• This topic was modified 3 weeks, 1 day ago by lilliam.

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[VM-angel33]

Hi @lilliam
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I can hear how difficult things have been for you. You have shown strength and courage in reaching out.
Please know that Griefline is available 7 days a week from 8am-8pm.
@vm-oscar-at has shared some other resources which I would recommend too, if you think it would be helpful.

Take care of yourself.

[vmmaggie]

Hello Lillian
Heartfelt condolences.
The death of a child is generally regarded as the most stressful of all deaths.
When a child dies, parents not only lose their child but everything the child represents for the future.
The physical and emotional impact to which you refer sounds so understandable in the rawness of your grief.

No doubt family and friends have accounted for wonderful support for you and your family but this may not be available on a long term basis. Hopefully the bereavement support groups mentioned earlier can be of benefit when you feel the time is appropriate.
Thank you for sharing ..

[vm-oscar-at]

Dear @lilliam,
I would like to first acknowledge the deep pain of this loss and my heart goes out to you and your family. Losing a child is something a parent hopes to never go through.
Thank you for reaching out to the forum and community and sharing your grief with us. You mentioned that you have friends and supports, but we sometimes feel overwhelmed in our grief and it can be difficult to notice it and voice it, so thank you again to for your courage to connect with others.

The bond you shared with your son is unique to you both and can feel irreplaceable. Thank you for sharing a little bit about his nature and what was important to him. It helps us to get to know him and connect with who he was. It can be helpful to think of grief as a shape that sits within us and while it may feel that it diminishes and gets smaller over time, perhaps it’s more helpful to think of ourselves as growing around this grief and that the size and importance will always be there, but that we’ll learn to find a way to hold this within ourselves and for the space it takes up to be part of our next evolution of self.

If you haven’t been connected with a grief counsellor yet, it may be helpful to reach out to someone to support you through this and to compliment the support from friends, this forum, and Griefline. You can also reach out to an organisation called The Compassionate Friends who provide peer support for parents who have lost a child. They may be able to connect you with a group or organsation in your local area as well. You can call them on 1300 064 068.
Alternatively, Parentline are an organisation that provide counselling and support for parents. You can find the state specific phone number to call on their website: https://www.parentline.com.au/

The pain and loss seems to be impacting you physically as well, and in our moments of grief, it can be hard to look after ourselves while also taking care of others around you. It can be helpful to just remember our basic needs to sleep and eat well. It may feel like such a momentous task, but there is strength in being kind to ourselves through the grief we are processing.

We are here for you and you are not alone in your grief. If you feel overwhelm or are struggling throughout the day, you can reach out to Griefline on 1300 845 745 between 8am and 8pm to chat to a volunteer. We are here to listen and be with you in your grief.

I see strength in you for reaching out and sharing your experience. Please continue to check in with the forum if you are able.

[vmShila]

Hello lilliam,

I am so glad you have reached out, it shows so much courage and strength. I can only imagine the pain you are experiencing. Losing a child is tragic, the grief must feel unbearable, I am so sorry for your loss and wanted to reply out to say you are not alone, there is support available.

Echoing vmgabi0110, Griefline are here to support you, please call the helpline between 8am and 8pm, 1300 845 745, to talk and connect whenever you are in need of someone to hear your pain and support you through the intense challenges you are facing.

My heart goes out to you lilliam, sending you warmth, energy, and gentleness xx

[vmgabi0110]

Hi lilliam

I’m so sorry for your loss. I can hear your pain and despair. I’m so glad you reached out on this forum. Losing a child is particularly hard. I encourage you to go onto our website and look at our resources and articles.

I also urge you to get some help through counselling to help you cope with the grief and loss. Doing it alone is draining and you need support. Call our HelpLine on 1300 845 745 from 8am to 8pm but also contact Grief Australia for counselling.

Sending hugs and strength xxx

[Author]

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