Loss of my Husband of 57yrs

[maureenm]

It’s been 2 yrs. since I lost my husband of a massive heart attack. It was 1 week before our 58th wedding anniversary and 2 weeks before Christmas. I had to perform CPR on him until the ambulance arrived. How do I get over doubting myself that I did CPR properly, it breaks me up every time I think about it, I feel I couldn’t help him.

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[vmremember]

Hi @maureenm, I could sense the doubt you have been experienced since your husbands death. My colleagues have written some lovely words of comfort and I thought I would provide a different source of information to help you during this time. You will ride a rollercoaster of emotions, feelings and thoughts and this is a normal part of grief and loss. Over time you will grow around your grief, your memories and the life journey with your husband won’t leave you but you will grow with your grief. This is the work of a grief and loss specialist called Lois Tonkin. Her work may help you. The other site to go to is the British Heart Foundation, not sure if the Australian Heart Foundation offers the same information but below is a link that is specific to anyone who had to perform CPR.

https://www.bhf.org.uk/informationsupport/support/support-if-youve-given-cpr

Go gently forward as you continue on this journey. Ensure you engage in self care and keep in contact with griefline, use the helpline or book a call with a counsellor which can be accessed on our website.

[VM-Dian9967]

Hi @maureenm, I’m deeply moved by your caring and loving nature. I understand that it is not easy to open up about your pain and grief following your husband’s passing as you are worried about your family’s well-being and health. During your time as a social worker, I can see the selflessness you’ve shown for others. I want to let you know that you already possess many shining strengths with a loving nature. If you find it difficult to open up to your family and others, especially on tough nights, I hope you know that we are here for you. You can always reach out to us to share your feelings and thoughts. In addition to our online forum, we also offer support groups for individuals who have lost a loved one, creating a safe space for participants to connect with others, share their experiences, and discover ways to cope with and navigate their grief. Here’s the support group link for you : https://griefline.org.au/get-help/support-groups/
I hope you take care of yourself and feel free to reach out whenever you want to talk to us.

[VM_tasmin]

Hi @maureenm, I understand that it might be difficult to open up, especially when you’re used to being the support for others. Having your own struggles is completely okay, and we’re here to listen whenever you want to talk. You’ve already shown amazing strength in your profession, so it’s okay to ask for support for yourself. As a self-care tool, you can have a look at our website for resources like “Grief Recovery Part 1: In Search of Lost Strengths” to find the potential benefits of acknowledging and focusing on one’s personal qualities in the aftermath of bereavement. Here’s the link: https://griefline.org.au/resources/grief-recovery-part-one/

Please feel free to call us or share your thoughts in the forum whenever you’re comfortable.

[maureenm]

Thanks, Tasmin you sound lovely, It’s hard to open up to friends and family, they have their own issues and health problems, I try and be a support to them, I was a social worker for 30yrs before I retired and my job was to be a support to others. The nights are the worst as others will say as well.

[VM_tasmin]

Hi @maureenm, I’m truly touched by your openness and willingness to share such deeply personal experiences. It’s clear that you have supported your family and yourself through incredibly difficult circumstances, particularly when coping with the death of your husband and your eldest son’s health issues soon after. Your tears are a natural and valid expression of the pain and loss you’ve experienced. I want you to know that you showed an immense amount of love and courage to your husband to give CPR in such a situation. You have shown him how much you care and how committed you are to him just by being there and doing your best. It’s never too late to seek support, even though you’ve been that unwavering rock for others. Remember to allow yourself grace, space, and permission to grieve. It is understandable that sometimes it’s critical to practise self-love and ask for help when needed, whether from friends, family, or professional counsellors. Remember, it’s completely okay not to be okay, and you are not alone in this journey.
Please continue to use the forum and feel free to call our helpline at 1300 845 745 (available 8 am to 8 pm, 7 days a week) or you can Book a call with us (Monday-Friday at your preferred time) if you want to have a chat with us about your feelings.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by VM_tasmin.

[maureenm]

Thank you your words were very comforting.

[VM-Kona]

Hi @maureenm I am so sorry to hear what you’ve been through, I can’t imagine how difficult it must have been to lose a partner after being together for so long, and it took resilience to support your son through his triple bypass so soon after the loss of your husband. I can definitely relate to masking the reality of how you’re feeling from people you care about, but it shows great strength to share about such experiences, and I hope it gives you comfort to finally open up about it here. We are here for you, please continue to use the forum or feel free to reach out to our helpline at 1300 845 745 (available hours 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week) if you ever need to have a chat.

There are so many different ways to how people cope and process grieving and loss, and sometimes a good cry is what we need to feel better. I do hope that you are taking care of yourself. I have attached a link to the article “Coping with grief” https://griefline.org.au/resources/coping-with-grief/. I hope it could offer you ways to process any overwhelming feelings you might be experiencing, and how to support yourself through this loss

[vmpercy]

@maureenm, your story tugs at my heartstrings. It sounds incredibly tough to go through so much in such a short span of time. You not only managed through the tragic loss of your husband but also supported your son through his health crisis. You’re so incredibly strong for that.

I’m sure it’s challenging to navigate grief while also trying to appear strong for others. Your emotions, your tears, they’re so valid and a completely natural response to what you’re going through. It sounds like you’ve been holding on to strength for others, but remember, it’s perfectly okay to seek shoulders to lean on.

I hope you can find a little solace here, in this space, where you’re free to share your feeelings and stories. Have you found any specific things that bring you a moment of peace or comfort in these difficult times, even if just for a little while? Sometimes sharing small moments of comfort can help others too, creating a beautiful cycle.

This community is here for you, Maureen. You’re not alone in this journey.

[maureenm]

Thank you for your condolences, and caring nature, I think I am my own worst enemy I keep saying I’m ok, because I know other family members are grieving as well. twice I thought I was losing it because I couldn’t stop crying for days, I scared myself, 2 MThs after my husband passed away my eldest son had a triple bypass, I’m teary typing this as it’s the first time I’ve opened up about the way I feel. I’m 77yrs of age, now living alone after 57 yrs. of sharing and caring.

[VM-Veteran015]

Hi Maureen. i am so sorry that you have lost your loving husband in such difficult circumstances. it is extremely difficult to comprehend that you have lost a loved one, especially since you were married for such a long time. the Grief that you are feeling is very normal and you must not feel like you have done anything wrong. it must have been hard for you to go through such an emotional Trauma like this. i would like to say how brave that i think you are for attempting CPR. most people in the same situation may have struggled to firstly think to do CPR. this is not something that you usually practice because the time that you need to do it is usually when you need it the most. i think you are an extremely resilient woman. the fact that you managed to continue to do do CPR until the ambulance arrived is remarkable. i am sure that you did everything that you possibly could.i think you need to give yourself praise and credit. it is extremely exhausting and tiring to continue to keep going while you wait for emergency services to arrive. you have done everything possible and you could not ask yourself to do anything more. my sincerest condolences.

[Author]

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