Loss of my cat

[lulu]

I lost my cat last night in an attack and am struggling with guilt. People have said I didn’t do enough to prevent it from happening.

I’d had her for 15 years.

I really don’t know who to talk to or how to say how I feel

Topic

[davot7]

Thank you. We had one of our two 14 year old cats put to sleep on the weekend after what was a hopeful start to chemotherapy. Unfortunately after the fourth (of 16) treatments he took a turn for the worse and became very ill. There wasn’t much that could be done because he was “terminally ill”, a phrase that wasn’t used until much later in the process.

I am still in a state of shock and severe loss, constantly going from trying to remember the joy and bursting into tears. I’m hoping that with time I will be able to get to somewhere “normal” again. Anyway calling the phone line now…

[VM-sweetpea]

Hi @lulu
Thank you for reaching out to us and I want to wish you the deepest of condolences on behalf of this forum for your cat.
I think many will relate to not knowing how to feel or talk about their grief, especially given your loss is so recent.
We are here for you. Either to help start the conversation around your grief or just as a friendly ear. Please call our helpline tel:1300845745 from 8am to 8pm everyday to speak to a Greifline volunteer. Alternatively, you can book in for the request a call back service for a 30 min conversation.
Please be kind to yourself and take as much time as you need to process this loss.

[abc01]

Dear Lulu,

I wanted to share some things with you that I believe may help you in your initial shock phase.
Shock is an awful feeling and emotion that makes our body and mind hyper. You may feel adrenaline coursing through your body at times, making it uncomfortable to sit still or may bring on crying inducing emotions strongly. Your muscles may lock up and you feel painful when moving your body. Your body is in fight or flight mode like in times of anxiety. You may feel very cold especially around your chest area. And fatigue will plague you nearly all day, however at night it may be tricky to get to sleep. You may sleep in a fetal position. One second for me I was okay/calmer in the moment and the next I felt like I wanted to run out of my home and just keep running. One second I was dealing and felt numb but hanging the washing, the very next I had burst into tears. One second I was shopping in the supermarket aisle,the next, a song would come onto the speakers and I would almost feel my body trying to jump out of it’s own skin because of the lyrics. I would get triggered.

I can offer you some tips that helped me. Also, shock isn’t always a 1 or 2 day experience. Sometimes it can be weeks.

1. I immediately stopped drinking anything with caffeine in it such as soft drinks, coffee or tea. There are alternative -caffeine free- options for all of these. Caffeine colliding with an already heightened state of adrenaline is a problem waiting to happen. It will just make you more hyper, more unsettled and harder for you to go about the day and night.
2. I always kept my chest covered with something. From my clavicle (The part at the front of your body between your shoulders) to my belly button. I felt so cold if I didn’t have anything there. If I was out, it was a scarf. If I was at home, I had a plush donut that I could hug to my body. There was a sort of comfort from that area being kept warm. And at night to hug something whilst I slept.
3. Don’t make ANY decisions right now. If you are incredibly distressed to see you cats things in your home, put them into a spare room/shed until your grief has been processing. The Reject Shop/Kmart sell massive plastic moving bags(They look kinda of like a plaid pattern) that you can place these items into and they will be protected from the elements, until you can clearly decide what you would like to do with them. Regrets are a monster. So please don’t make decisions that you may not like in a few months.
4. If things get too emotionally hard that you can’t eat or sleep, you may have to visit your GP to discuss some short term relief to your emotions or at least something to sleep. They will only ever offer something very short term,but you can still ask for help.
5. Eat. I know it is the last thing you want to do. But eat 1 piece of toast in the morning. 1 piece of toast at lunch. 1 small can of baked beans at dinner. But you HAVE to eat.
6. Don’t listen to music too much. Song lyrics can be so triggering when it comes to grief. You would be surprised at how many words in your favorite songs will make you hate it.
7. Drink and stay hydrated. This is very important. Or you will feel worse in terms of your body.

I know at this point your grief maybe making you not care very much about anything at all. But YOU have to care for yourself. It was so hard for me, but I made myself eat, sleep, keep my appointments and choose to pretty much walk everywhere to get the adrenaline out of my system. And I did this all just to survive that day. And I wanted to do none of this.
I also kept reliving the last day over and over in my head trying to figure out what I could have done to have changed the outcome. But nothing ever will. So you will have to find a sentence you can say to yourself to shut it down. No doubt,you will have the thought. But after is when you need to actively say to yourself. “Well that didn’t happen.” “That is not what happened.” “That isn’t the truth.” And then leave the thought there. It is so hard not to continue thinking or adding something about how you should have done A,B and C. But you are blaming yourself then and that is doing the opposite of what your grief needs.

I won’t lie or sugar coat it. This is hard. Possibly the hardest thing you’ll have to do in your life. It is the hardest thing I have had to do in mine and 14 weeks later and I am still not okay. It has changed me as a person and I am not sure what person I actually am today.

So please do look after yourself and grieve the way you need too. No two people grieve the same way. Your grief is valid.
ABC01

• This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by abc01. Reason: Adding another important step

[abc01]

Dear lulu,

I am so terribly sorry for what has happened to you and your beloved cat.

14 weeks ago,my beloved cat who was only 3.5 years old was attacked by dogs and died. I am still struggling with the trauma and the guilt of the situation. I thought I didn’t do enough to stop it,but situations are all different.
And after 15 years, I am more then sure you didn’t do anything with intention for this to have happened to your loved cat. Noone does this on purpose to themselves and the ones they love.

You can talk here. You can say what you need to with honesty. I have been posting on this forum for as long as he has been gone and someone always replies. You are more then free to read any of my posts and see if they resonate or sound how you are feeling and the responses I got from others.

Write your own discussions and thoughts.
Share your grief here and contact the hotline.
Your grief is valid,no matter the circumstances. Your love for your cat is beautiful and so your grief will be strong. It is alright for you to be how you are feeling in this moment.

Please take care of yourself,especially as you will be in shock.
Talk to me anytime here on the forums. Just reply to this post,and tick “Notify me of follow-up replies via email”.
I am so sorry,ABC01.

[Author]

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