Loss of my brother to suicide

[butterfree0826]

My younger brother committed suicide yesterday morning by jumping off his apartment, I’m still in denial. He passed away from the impact and was cremated yesterday. He texted me the night before saying goodbye but I didn’t manage to read it until it was too late. I feel so guilty, feel so stupid and useless. I feel so numb and have been trying to chat to Beyond Blue yesterday but couldn’t feel any differences.

I feel like I’m not ready to talk to someone because I scared that I will break down and not ready to talk about it. I have so many questions on why and has been blaming myself a lot.
I guess I just need to type it out to this safe place where people would understand.

Topic

[VM-Cody24]

Dear butterfree0826,
I am so very sorry to hear about your brother.
I can’t begin to imagine how you must be feeling right now and I acknowledge that it takes lot of courage to share these feelings. It is completely understandable that you would be in complete shock and denial right now. Feeling guilt, blame and thinking about all the “what if’s” are a normal part of grief, especially when you have lost your loved one to suicide.
Having someone to talk to about these feelings and thoughts can provide comfort during a really difficult time, so I would encourage you to reach out to whoever you feel can support you in the way that you need.

The Helpline Volunteers at Griefline are available on 1800 845 745, 7 days a week from 8am to 8pm if you would like to have a confidential chat. They provide a safe space, where people understand, for you to explore your thoughts and feelings.

There are some wonderful resources on this website to support you also. Especially taking the time to practice some self-care which is so important when you are experiencing grief and loss.

A gentle guide to self-care after loss: The E.A.S.T. approach

I hope that you find the support that you need.
Take care.

[VM-laura070]

Hi butterfree0826, the passing of your brother is such a profoundly huge loss to experience and come to terms with, especially under such sudden and terrible circumstances. It’s completely understandable if you feel numb, shock and denial right now, and the guilt and shame that comes with wishing it had never happened and all of the what-if’s. I’m glad that you have reached out to Beyond Blue and this forum for support as you don’t need to carry that burden alone.

I imagine that it must be extremely difficult right now sitting with all of those questions and intense emotions and how hard those feelings would be to put into words. When you are ready, there will be other people, like a grief counsellor, who you might feel safe to talk to and even break down if you need to, which would be a totally valid response to what’s happened.

There is a service called StandBy – Support After Suicide, so it may help to look at their resources and reach out to them for support if it feels right – https://standbysupport.com.au/

You can also call Griefline on 1300 845 745 or book a callback on the website from one of their support volunteers.

It’s okay to wait until you feel ready, but please know that you’re not alone. Take care of yourself, you are doing the best you can under truly difficult circumstances.

[Author]

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