Loss of brother

[ruby0608]

Hi my name is Ruby
In march of 2024, i lost my eldest brother to a fight outbreak which unfortunately he ended up passing away from.
Since he passed i have struggled to recover from it and the thought of if how he died.
He was 35 and the night we got the call it broke me and my family.
I have struggled to believe its real sometimes and have wanted to call or text him as i always went to him for my problems and since then i have been bottling all my emotions and it’s been getting a lot worse lately.
Although there are times where im happy, when im alone i just feel so numb and empty sometimes.
And yes, i know its been over a year and im just writing this now but i really want to learn to accept that’s he’s really gone and i won’t ever see him again.
As horrible as that might sound, i want to be able to live my life and make him proud but im really struggling with that right now and have been since the day he passed away.

Thanks for listening.

Topic

[VM-Loki23]

Dear Ruby

It sounds like your brother was someone very special to you and you loved and cared about him deeply. His sudden passing would have been a shock to your nervous system. Often the nervous system will become numb in order to protect itself. That is normal. So is the need to move on which can be so conflicting with the deep yearning and longing you express for your brother. Grief is a rollercoaster of contradictory emotions. It helps to name it to tame it. Many have suggested useful ideas already and I hope some of them will resonate with you. Keep writing here and even calling Griefline to talk about whatever you are experiencing, as grief can be a lonely experience. When you have a moment do read the article attached as you may find some ideas useful. Know that in time you will find a way to hold both your grief and your love for your brother in a good way. Until then know that we at Griefline are here for you.

Mindfulness for Grief

All the best and I commend you for your courage in reaching out on this forum!

[VM_Maria B]

Dear Ruby, Grief is not linear. It doesn’t care if it’s been a week, a year, or ten. The bond you had with your brother—someone you turned to, someone who felt like a part of your foundation—isn’t something you just “get over.” The urge to call him, to talk to him when things get hard—that’s your love for him still living, still reaching out. It’s beautiful, and it’s heartbreaking.
The fact that you’re recognizing how you feel—numb, empty, overwhelmed—is actually a powerful step. Bottling emotions is something many people do when the pain feels too big to face, especially after a traumatic loss. But I want you to know: you don’t have to carry this alone. Talking about it—even like you are now—isn’t weakness. It’s strength. It’s you trying to find a way to live again while still honoring him.

Please know there are many people here who are willing to support you during this time. You deserve support during this extremely difficult time.
You can call our helpline on 1300 845 745 between the hours of 8am and 8pm, 7 days a week. You may also find some of the resources on our website helpful: https://griefline.org.au/resources/

[vm-Maisy]

@ruby0608
Thank you for sharing about your brother. My partner passed away 2 years ago. I hear you when you say “It’s been over a year”
there is no timeline – at one year I will be over this – Or at a year I will be able to move on. I wish there was.
Your brother was, and is important to you. This will always be true. Some days will feel easier than others.
I wonder if texting or writing to your brother would be helpful when you need advice or are struggling. If it doesn’t work and is not helpful. Then leave this idea alone. It is 2 years and 5 months since my partner passed. I still text him. I know what he’s going to say. He’s going to say “Maisy – stop taking yourself so seriously.” he was like that. – No topic was too serious for him! He always thought I was being dramatic!
It took me a while to feel like I had more good days then bad days. He still pops into my mind every day but it doesn’t feel like so much weight and pressure.
I imagine your brother is proud of you. Proud that you think about him, and proud that you reached out for help.
Keep reaching out. Keep talking about your feelings. We are here for you. There are support groups I will link for you to look at – They are zoom group sessions.
Your life will get bigger around this loss. There is no timeline to be “Ok”
Do the best you can with today. Tomorrow will look different – it always does. Look after yourself today.

Bereavement support groups

• This reply was modified 2 weeks, 4 days ago by vm-Maisy.

[VM-stevie]

Hi Ruby,

So sorry to hear about your loss, and well done for reaching out even after some time has passed. There’s definitely no timeline for grief, it can linger for a long time or pop up when you don’t expect it.
I lost a really close friend when I was younger, and I definitely still experienced a feeling of numbness after a year, and it would still happen sometimes even a couple years later. I found some mindfulness helped, like naming things I can see, or going for a walk and trying to notice things of a certain colour. Just something to drag my attention back to actually noticing things, instead of zoning out. Are there any things you do that help you feel more present?
Jumping on the forums is a great step, there’s lots of support here. Go gently with yourself and take some small steps, you’re doing a great job already!

[VMToby]

Dear Ruby,
Thank you for reaching out to us at Griefline to share what a devastating time you and your whole Family have been going through since March 2024.
To lose a brother so young and in such a tragic way I can only imagine is devastating and as you said s hard to believe it is real sometimes.
Your feeling at this time are so normal ,happiness and then numb and so empty.Eveyone’s experience of grief is so different.

Griefline is here 7 days a week from 8 am -8pm Victorian time and our number is 1300 845 745 if you ever feel like talking about what you are experiencing or to talk about your brother and what you miss about him.
Ou
Our website has lots of resources about grief and loss and there is the option to join a six week zoom group for those who have lost someone.
Self care is important too and there is imformation about this on the website.

Moving forward is not easy and you are not ‘horrible’ in wanting to live your life now. It is about learning to live with the loss alongside you living your life.This is not easy to do.
Be kind to yourself and lovely to hear from you Ruby.
Take Care.

[Author]

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