Loss of a spouse

[danielle]

My Husband passed away 5 months ago after years suffering with bowel cancer, I know he is not in pain anymore but when does mine stop,
I am on my own now no family or friends everyone disappeared,
Always on the anniversary of his death it hits me so last couple of days I’m in a bad way, I have tried to distract myself but doesn’t seem to help,
I also lost my father 8 months ago to cancer as well which I didn’t deal with as I concentrated on my Husband’s care but now I have no one to lean on or to talk too and feel so lonely I don’t know what to do anymore,

Topic

[VM_Bluebird]

Dear Danielle, thank you so much for your post. It’s not easy to reach out but know that you are not alone. I lost my partner and father in quick succession many years ago – and it took me a long time to recover and reorientate myself to life. Know that you will not always be in this dark place. Be kind to yourself and treat yourself like the friend you need. Maybe a bereavement support group would be helpful (https://griefline.org.au/get-help/bereavement-support-groups/ ) or maybe there is some other hobby or interest group you could join to meet some new people and connections when you are ready (e.g. a local walking group). Meetup.com is a good platform for diverse events, groups and interests. Wishing you well on your journey through this difficult time.

[VM_Billie20]

Dear @danielle
I’m so deeply sorry to hear about the loss of both your husband and your father. It takes a great deal of courage and strength to reach out and share your story here, many people find that step incredibly hard, so I want to acknowledge the bravery it took for you to do so.
Losing your father and then your husband in such a close space of time is an enormous amount of loss for one person to bear. It’s completely understandable that you’re feeling overwhelmed and in pain. Grief doesn’t move in a straight line it ebbs and flows, and anniversaries can bring those feelings right back to the surface, even when you thought you were coping.
It sounds like you’ve spent so much time showing up for the people you love and holding everything together through their illnesses. It’s understandable that you’re now feeling the deep pain and grief. Please know that what you’re feeling is completely normal and part of the healing process.
You don’t have to face this alone. This community is here to walk beside you, and many understand those heavy waves of grief, the anniversaries, and the quiet that follows when others drift away. You’re always welcome to keep sharing and take care of yourself.
The helpline is also always here if you want to reach out (1300 845 745 , 8am – 8pm AEDT)

[VM-Serenity66]

Dear Danielle,
I can only imagine the depth of your sorrow. Losing your husband and father to cancer, especially in such a short time, is an enormous burden to carry. It’s completely understandable that you would feel overwhelmed and alone. Significant dates like anniversaries and birthdays can be so hard; happy memories tinged with sadness which can leave you feeling your grief so much more intensely. Please know that whatever you are feeling from moment to moment or day to day is valid, and there’s no timetable for healing. Grief is your personal journey. Everybody feels it somehow, but your experience is unique to you. It’s okay to feel the weight of your emotions, even if it seems like the rest of the world is getting along ‘normally’. The loneliness you’re experiencing is heartbreaking, but you don’t have to face this alone. If you feel ready, you are always welcome to call the Helpline (1300 845 745 , 8am – 8pm AEDT) and have an anonymous conversation with a caring volunteer.

Some Griefline resources that might be helpful are:

Experiences of Grief

or if things seem to stay the same for you for a long time:

Understanding prolonged grief: when grief doesn’t ease with time

If you wish, you may also want to contact First Light, Widowed Support, who are a peer support community.
https://www.firstlight.org.au/

[Author]

Replies