Loss of a pet trying to work through the guilt

[pandalover24740]

I had my dog die two days ago. His name was Cesar and he was only one and a half. I got him right after I turned 18, expecting him to be my best friend throughout my 20s. I thought he would watch me get married and begin having kids. He was my best friend and I loved him more than anyone. He was the one consistent thing in my life. I did not take him to the vet until it was too late, and I am struggling to come to terms with the fact that because of the decision, I killed him, and had I taken him to the vet earlier, he would still be alive.

Topic

[VM-Selazni]

Hi pandalover24740,

It’s been a little bit of time now since your original post and I hope that you’ve been well. I wanted to quickly reply to echo what has been written by VM-Serenity66 and jpchin: it’s very normal to feel a mixture of distressing emotions when a loved pet like Cesar passes. Whilst you might feel that “acting sooner” might’ve changed the outcome for Cesar, I hope that you can remember that we all just do the best we can with the information we have and it sounds like you did everything you could with the information and experience that you had.

I’m truly sorry for your loss. It sounds as if you’re struggling not just with the grief of Cesar’s death but also grieving the loss of your imagined future with Cesar (the vision of Cesar watching over you as you grow older and meet new people and live life). It’s very challenging to be struggling with grief from different corners and so it’s heartening to see that you’ve reached out during this struggle. Seeking support can be its own challenge and so well done for creating this post and opening yourself up to the support of the folks on this forum. As VM-Serenity66 has said, please reach out to Griefline if you feel you would like to chat with one of the volunteer listeners about Cesar or about how you are going.

Please take care.

[jpchin]

Hi @Pandalover24740. I came on to this forum after a very similar experience to you only a couple of weeks after you lost Cesar and I’ve been battling the same feelings. At the start of the year we started caring for our daughter’s pup Bronze when she had to move to another city and was unable to get a pet-friendly lease. We loved Bronze like he was our own and we are devastated at his sudden passing at just two years old. He had been full of beans like usual and then one morning after returning from the park he became unwell. We took him to the vet but it was too late and the next day he was gone. Unbeknownst to us, at some point he had swallowed something that damaged his insides. It was such a shock that I kept wondering if there was some sign or clue I had missed that might have helped us save him. But after reading several comments in several threads from very supportive people and calling the griefline, I’ve come to accept that as much as we loved and cared for Bronze with all our hearts, sometimes these things are just beyond our control. I’m still devastated and incredibly sad at the thought of not seeing him live to a long age, but I know we gave him as much love and care as we could and I know that he knew he was loved and looked after, from the icy treats on a hot day to his bowl of milk for supper and bedtime cuddles on his blanket. From the sound of your bond with Cesar, he would have felt your love every single day. As the other comment here said, he wouldn’t blame you or want you to feel that burden. Mourn him and miss him, but remember the incredible time you had together.

[VM-Serenity66]

Hi @pandalover24740

It is so incredibly painful to lose a furry buddy, especially one as young as Cesar, and so early in your time together. The bond between dogs and humans is strong and loving, and so painful when either is bereaved of the other. Dogs seem to understand us in a way that is hard to explain. At the same time, it is not always possible for them to help us understand what they need, especially when they are unwell. It often happens that, by the time we understand something is not right, it is too late to intervene; or in some cases, it is not a condition that can be resolved. It is not always clear which is which. It is clear that Cesar was loved and treasured by you, and that you took his happiness and welfare seriously. It is understandable that you would feel guilty, or feel that you had not done enough; and at the same time, you acted on the information that you had in front of you.

You are not alone in that. Over many decades, I have said farewell to many beloved pets, sometimes unexpectedly, none of whom were any easier than the other, and none of whom are forgotten, or loved any less. Looking back, I am still sad about the timing of some of my decisions. Nevertheless, they remain as I made them, with the best intentions and information of the day.

It remains to find ways to support yourself through the painful emotions that come with loss, and to find ways of remembering and honouring your mate that work for you. From what I know of dogs, he wouldn’t blame you, he’d just try to comfort you.

You may find this article helpful,

How To Grieve For A Pet – Understanding Your Grief

Or, if you feel ready, you may wish to connect with a caring volunteer on the helpline (1300 845 745)

Take care of yourself, friend.

[Author]

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