Losing my Husband after 35 years

[weecie]

Hi, last October I lost my Husband of just under 33 years of marriage. For the first few months I was in autopilot mode. Getting all the practical things done, from arranging his funeral to paying bills, getting things transferred into my name. Random things kept popping up to deal with. But in the last few months, now that I don’t have any more of these things to do, the grief and loneliness has really hit me. I’ve gone back to work part time to try and give myself some space to just be me and learn to live in my ‘new normal’. I cry all the time and am just not coping with him being gone. I’ve lost all our plans for the future. He was only 60 and I am 58. I feel very lost. Any advice would really be appreciated.

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[weecie]

Thank you so much for your kind words. I will definitely take on board your thoughts. I think Griefline is definitely going to help me to understand grief better and how to move forward.

[jc8rw8]

Dear weecie,

I am sorry to hear of your loss. It’s so hard to lose someone when you’ve known them and been with them for a long time. I can feel the pain through the words you write and while I may be a stranger in this forum, you are not alone and you have come to the right place to share how you feel and what support you can get.

Please treat the following words as just some thoughts on what has been my grief experience so far and how it’s worked for me, but it’s not meant to be prescriptive.

1. First, acknowledging that it is okay for now to cry all the time as part of this process. It means that you cared enormously about him and that the life you shared with him was meaningful, and the end to that shared life is a transition that will take time to navigate in our own unique way. For me, learning about how grief works and reading the experiences on this forum has helped with treating myself compassionately when the emotions get heavy.

2. Having a routine like returning to work part time can be helpful with anchoring you in the present. Hopefully your current job is not too stressful right now that you are able to do it as a way to meaningfully occupy your time and mind, while still leaving space for you to continue your grief journey and get the support you need. Getting help for grounding routines like healthy food, exercise and sleep during this time can be helpful, as grief may disrupt those usual grounding routines.

I hope this helps. I am still navigating the grief process myself and still learning what works. Feel free to continue sharing your experiences in the forum, contact the Griefline if you need a chat and access the support services you need.

[Author]

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