Losing a loved one; early morning musings

[dreamer]

My family member hasn’t gone yet, but she’s in hospice. She occasionally felt overwhelmed by our company throughout her cancer treatment, and I’ve been struggling with respecting her wishes while grieving. It feels like I should take time off work since it’s the last days/weeks, but I know she’d want me to live my life. I find that those feelings – the pain, the conflict – has been rising up in my writing; finding an appropriate space to express it has been challenging. I’ve been afraid of overwhelming my friends with it, so I’m navigating it the best I can, but it doesn’t feel like enough. I’ve discussed my grief in counselling, but I want to honour it outside of the counselling room. I’m worried about judgement; I know my writing is strong, that it can affect people. I study social work, I’ve studied trauma-informed practice, so I know it’s important to ask for consent, even when writing. I wrote and submitted some poems for publishing, but I’m not sure how I feel it about now – I’m worried my friends will think its about them when they read it. Truth is, like any Taylor Swift song, although autobiographical, they’re a patchwork from my experiences during this period, dispersed with fact and fiction.

I want to go to the Griefline retreat this weekend, but because my loved one’s in hospice, I can’t travel out of town atm. I need to be here.

I feel like I need to apologise for writing powerfully, while knowing I don’t need to – it’s okay to express those feelings in poetry, to submit it for publishing. I need my friends to understand my writing isn’t necessarily about them, but that I need a space for the ugly feelings. I need a nonjudgmental space. Yes, I can appreciate someone else’s writing, who would express grief more kindly than I would, but it feels like it’d contradict my creative writing education – it’s not my voice. But I can understand writing less directly to avoid overwhelming people. It feels rude to tell friends not to feel offended.

If you’re still here – thanks for reading the whole way. It’s appreciated.

Topic

[VM-didimoll]

Dear Dreamer, just as people have their individual love language, each one of us has a unique grief language too. Yours appears to be writing, especially poetry, which can be cathartic when navigating such a difficult phase in your life. Your insights, introspection and deep feeling would no doubt make for some powerful poetry and you are more than welcome to share them here. Grief brings with it a plethora of complex emotions such as guilt, anger, disappointment and so on. Uncomfortable and confronting as they are, please know that it’s completely normal for you to experience them. One cannot be all things to all people, but you are doing the best you can. If you would like to to share your thoughts and emotions or just have a chat with someone, feel free to call our helpline, where our lovely volunteers will hold a judgement-free space for you. Meanwhile, please do take good care of yourself

[abc01]

Dear Dreamer,
If you are able to express yourself in words and it is helpful for you and your grief, then do it.
Anything that is helpful for you is a blessing. If it brings any kind of comfort at all, keep doing it.
I am incredibly sorry for your loss, I read your entire post.
Please keep looking after yourself,
ABC01

[dreamer]

Thanks for replying ☺️ I appreciate it

[VM-Serenity66]

Hi @dreamer,

Working through this period of anticipating loss sounds so hard. It sounds like you have some really important insights though, through your studies and through your writing. You have knowledge to draw upon, and a creative outlet for your feelings and reflections, which can be so important in moving through this period of meaning-making. You would of course be welcome to post your poems here on this thread, if you feel unsure about a wider audience. I’m glad to hear that you have access to counselling to help you both reflect and prepare. It’s a pity that you will not make it to the Griefline retreat, though perhaps there are other ways to reach out to your support community, such as our forums here, and calling the Helpline for a chat. Please take good care of yourself while you are travelling this path.

A gentle guide to self-care after loss: The E.A.S.T. approach

[Author]

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