It seems that they’ve forgotten her

[kaisy]

Hi. My name is Kai, and I lost my girlfriend due to Stage 4 Breast cancer last November 26, 2025.

She was my best friend. My favorite enemy. My ride or die. We battled her illness for 3 years and hoped for the best, but her liver just gave up, and after 18 sessions of chemotherapy, her cancer came back, much stronger.

I still remember 2 hours before the start of the most painful plot twist in my life. I asked her to eat, and she obliged. I told her to let me change your clothes, and she obliged. She could not stand on her own because everything was painful, but still, she obliged. After I had cleaned and fed her, I carried and set her to bed. I can still remember how tightly she had hugged me, and she was deeply looking into my eyes. How she stroked my arms three times – maybe it’s a Morse code for her saying I love you, or that is what I want to think of it.

And then it started. When the nurse came in to take her vitals, she was no longer responding. Everything was blurred and hazy, and I do not know or remember what I felt. The nurses have asked me to call in her family and to prepare. By 12 noon on the 26th of November, she was gone.

I don’t even know what to feel. I don’t even know why I am still here. All I know is that now, I am on autopilot. It’s been 4 months since she passed, but my tears just won’t stop. I visit her every day to pray, to talk to her, to share an afternoon coffee, to think, to cry, and to just pause – to stay still and be quiet.

Does grief ever end? Does she still remember me even when she is now in heaven? If ever we see each other, will she know it’s me? Does she see how much I am hurting now? Does she know how much I love her? Does she still love me?

I am gone. I don’t know what to do. I am losing my head. People have stopped talking about her. I know her family does not visit her that often, although they live near the cemetery. It seems that the world went on smoothly without her, and I am the only one here. The only one left grieving.

• This topic was modified 1 day, 9 hours ago by kaisy.

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[VM-flo]

Dear Kai,

Thank you for sharing something so deeply personal, and I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your girlfriend. While I may not fully understand what this feels like for you, I can hear how much love and connection there was in those final moments you shared.

Grief doesn’t have a clear endpoint, and it doesn’t follow a set path. It often changes shape over time, but the connection we have with someone we love can continue in different ways. Many people find themselves still talking to their loved one, visiting them, or feeling close to them in quiet moments—just as you described.

The questions you’re asking about whether she remembers you, whether she knows how much you love her—are such deeply human and heartfelt questions. While everyone holds their own beliefs around this, what feels very clear is the depth of your love and care for her.

It’s also very understandable that it feels painful when others seem to have moved on. Grief can feel incredibly lonely at times, especially when your way of remembering and staying connected looks different to those around you.

If it feels right, you are welcome to reach out to our helpline on 1300 845 745, 9am to 8pm AEDT.

We are here to listen whenever you are ready.

VM-Flo

[Author]

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