Husband Passed away 22 Dec 2025 – Not coping

[lisacollins]

Hello my name is Lisa and i am 49 years old and I lost my husband on Monday 22nd Dec 2025, and i am not coping at all, the overwhelming loss and loneliness is immeasurable. We were together for 28 years, married 16. We truly were soulmates and best of friends, we were the couple some often said people dreamed to be, yes we had our fights and our moments but we loved one another deeply. My husbands story leading to his passing is too long to even write as its spans 7 months, but it was 7 months of sheer hell. One day he went to work (may 2025), called me that morning to say he was coming home just before lunch, and i had an awful feeling and i tried calling him as it was just before midday and he didn’t answer, less than 2 minutes later i received a private number call it was qld police to say my husband had a medical episode and ambulance were with him now and they would come and see me. To make it brief he suffered a brain haemorrhage, for 5 months, 5 different hospitals, 4 ambulance calls it was yes he has cancer. no he doesn’t have cancer, yes its a brain tumour no its not a brain tumour, then finally they diagnosed the rarest of the rare a basal cell carcinoma (0.2% that is the odd oncologist told us) that had metastasised to his spine and rib, the brain bleed they also found a clot in his aorta which they think was all caused by the cancer. By the time it was found it was stage 4, nothing can be done, sick irony of this is he had skin checks yearly, with the last only being in Aug 2025. I cared for m beloved husband for 7 months, i promised him i would be with him all the way, and the oncologist felt a new drug could assist and help him manage with some radiotherapy and cant be cured but at least another 2 years. He slowly declined and the pain became so great he was on alot of heavy medication, he would then go to hospital when pain came too much and then they would manage it and he would come back home, however he was not able to do much, and bleed on brain caused some damage as well as the instability of clot in his aorta they couldn’t treat due to possible bleed, it was a helpless situation, heart-breaking. Then on 15th Dec he suddenly suffered a severe pain, i called hospital and they advised to get him to hospital, we thought it would be, get pain under control and stable and home again in a few days, on 16th dec i was advised it is end of life and he has hours ,maybe a week, I cant even explain the pain at hearing this, as promised i say with him day in day out never leaving his side for 7 days as i watched him slowly die with end of life process in place, i truly cant begin to explain the pain, yet denial at the same time, even telling docs they have it wrong, he stopped talking much as EOL consisted of morphine and a sedative to control pain and keep him as comfortable as possible, and turn him throughout the days, day 4 he rallied which i was told is normal and he spoke to me not big long conversations but we spoke over course of hours and then from there he stopped talking and slowly faded, watching these stages of decline is indescrible with someone you love so much, the noises, the breathing the shaking, it was most traumatic thing to watch my husband slowly fade and i couldn’t help him, during one period when he did speak he begged me for help and i still cat get that out of my head and then he asked me to go as he didn’t want to hurt me, and i said no you could never hurt me i am here with you you are not alone, and that was about it after tha with the talking. then when time came i can never get that out of my mind, he opened his eyes and looked at me and then took two breathes and was gone. As promised i stayed with him right till end bathing him at hospital then again at funeral home and helping dress him. Now here i sit at home alone, the silence, the plans for our future all gone, the house empty, it was only my husband and i, so there are no visitors, no one calling to check how i am except his mum who is elderely an din a home and lives 2 hours away and cant drive. I feel despair, lost lonely, i dont know how to move forward, there is no me without my husband, i loved him so very much and i know he loved me. Sometimes i feel like i cant breath, the pain, i just want the pain to go away. I don’t know how to move foward, the feeling of loneliness, feeling lost, the bouts of uncontrollable crying and anxiety attacks. Ive started seeing a psychologist last week, but they cant help with this grief, i dont now how to handle this grief, this life with out my soul mate, i desperately need help, this overwhelming feeling of shock and lonliness. For 7 months i happily and wanted to live for helping my husband and now there is nothing, that is gone, i quit work to be with him to care and now there is nothing but silence. I am just reaching out to talk to someone who understands, a couple of people have said just think of good times with him. That does not help one bit, in fact it almost feels like a shrug off. i just want talk to someone who understands, who maybe can help me in some way get through this, as i just dont feel i cant get through this. Sorry for my long post

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[VM- VioletH]

Hi @lisacollins,
I’m deeply sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. These sorts of losses literally shake us to our core and re-arrange everything we feel know about ourselves and our world in moment.
Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story, it’s a testament to the courage and resilience you have had to access across this last 7 months, especially when the loss is still so raw. Everything you’ve described shows just how deeply you loved your husband and how fiercely you showed up for him through every moment of those seven months. What you have experienced was so much more than “grief” it was trauma, anticipatory grief, caregiving exhaustion,the heartbreak of witnessing your husband’s declining health, and then his final days and hours.

The way you’re feeling right now, the loneliness, the disbelief, the waves of panic, the moments where it feels hard to breathe are normal human responses to an extraordinary loss. You didn’t just lose your husband; you lost your daily companion, your future plans, your sense of identity, and the role you held so completely for those 7 months. Your whole world changed in an instant, and your mind and body are still trying to catch up.

It also makes complete sense that comments like “think of the good times” feel dismissive of what you are going through, those kinds of statements can feel like people are trying to skip over the depth of what you’re living through. It’s important for you to have the space you deserve to talk about the reality of your experience the love, loss, and loneliness without anyone trying to tidy it up, make it comfortable or easier to digest.

I want you to know that you are not alone in this, even though the house feels unbearably quiet there are people who understand the kind of grief you’re carrying. You’ve already taken a brave step by seeing a psychologist and know you can continue to reach out here or call our Helpline 1300 845 745 8am to 8pm: 7 days (AEDT). Helpline offers free, confidential support from trained volunteers who specialise in bereavement and traumatic loss.
Grief this complex takes time, you are still in the very early days of an enormous loss. There is no “right way” to grieve, and there is no timeline you’re expected to meet.For now, what matters most is that you keep reaching out like you’re doing now,and that you don’t try to carry this alone. You don’t have to know how to move forward yet. Right now, making it through hour to hour and day to day is enough. And you deserve compassion, support, and a place to talk about your husband and everything you lived through together.

I’ve placed some links to resources on the Griefline you may find helpful when you feel ready

Different Types Of Grief
When a Loved One Dies – Coping with Grief and Loss

[VM-flo]

Dear Lisa,

Thank you for reaching out and for having the courage to share your story at such an incredibly painful and challenging time. I cannot begin to imagine the depth of what you are feeling right now. The love and devotion you have for your husband, being there for him in the hardest moments, standing beside him with such care and presence, and offering him your steady support speaks to the strength of your bond.

Losing someone you care for so deeply can leave an unbearable void and make it difficult to make sense of anything around you. The despair and heaviness you are carrying are deeply felt, and you do not have to hold this alone. Please know that you are welcome to call the Griefline Helpline on 1300 845 745 (AEDT, 8am–8pm) as often as you need. We are here to listen without judgment, to sit with you in whatever you are experiencing as you navigate each moment. There will always be a compassionate listening ear for you when you need it.

Reaching out to gain that extra support has taken courage and we are here when you need it.

Please take care, VM-Flo xx

[Author]

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