How to deal with loss of my dad

[hsoabkoe]

We’re ten months out now from when we lost Dad. I know people say grief is not linear and there’ll be waves as it comes and goes but how come it still hurts so much. How do people move on from the pain and sadness and deal with it? I try to find distraction techniques and try to look at the bright side of things but some days it still hurts as much as the day it happened.

Topic

[sadgrandpasa]

I feel for you, i’ve had a very rough 2 years with medical issues and especially this year.
I had a seizure 8 weeks ago which led to me dislocating both shoulders and fracturing the humerous of 1.

Whilst i was in hospital post surgery with next to no medical guidance for the 4 weeks i was there and still none as an outpatient (that’s a different issue entirely), my father passed away the week after the surgery so 6 weeks ago and the funeral was the following week.

I managed top get to the funeral and was in the same room as him for 3 hrs, 3 days before he passed as he was rushed to the same hospital i was in but he has been a vegitable essentially for the past year so he wasn’t there. Never got that closure and have been struggling ever since, ontop of frustrations and worry with what’s otherwise been happening the past 2 years and tbe medical profession has been utterly useless in that time. At best they all contradict each other and just pass you on. Dad was just the tip of the iceberg and my last conversation wwith him was 8 months ago i visited him and let him know he was a great grand-pa as my step kids had a baby. I got no response. If that had been my dad he woulda been over the moon

This has led to uncontrollable almost non-stop grief and pain that i have no control over.

I will say tho. I did reach out to 2 therapist supoort services and just chatting is better then nothing albeit it may just be temporary relief.
Sondar offer a free non-referall needed service where you can just walk in or call and chat to someone and they will refer you to an appropriate therapist/psychiatrist etc. once again for free for 6 sessions, you decide the frequency and can change therapist anytime.

Also if you are working your work may have access to the EAP service Employment Assistance Programme which is essentially the same as the above

Dont bother with services Beyond Blue, Griefline, Lifeline they are useless. Tried all 3 and they offered no support, i even got cut off twice in the middle of a conversation.

As for dad, I still miss him dearly and will forever miss him and wish i woulda done more with him leading upto his passing. BUT…

– I know he was proud of me, and he loved me and my wife and
– He has given me so many positive traits like being more outgoing now and being a good person/hard worker and we spent alot of time together one on one during his life, that i will forever cherish.
– My Wife is amazing too, she has put up with so much in the past 8 weeks always being there for me regardless of how much pressure my situation has put on her aswell.
– My grandson has given me a new lease on life, even at my saddest he manages to pick me up with just a smile.

As abve said, i may never get over it, but i can deal with it. My wife lost both her parents and she is one of the happiest people you could know

[VM-angel33]

Dear @hsoabkoe
Thank you for using our forums. I am so incredibly sorry for the loss of your Dad.
Grief is such a difficult thing and it comes in waves, as you said. You show strong insight and courage.

Here are some of our resources on coping with grief and keeping up self-care to take care of yourself during difficult times.

A gentle guide to self-care after loss: The E.A.S.T. approach

Understanding prolonged grief: when grief doesn’t ease with time

Coping with Grief

Our helpline is also available 8am-8pm every day.

Take care.

VM-angel33

[VM-Johann]

Dear hsoabkoe – thank you for reaching out at a time when this pain is still very present for you. It is very clear in your words how much your loss is having an ongoing effect in your world. You are right that having an understanding of the way grief does move individually for people doesn’t necessarily make the emotions themselves easier to deal with as they ebb and flow. But something important I noticed is that you are clearly trying to find different ways to process the grief on your own terms, and finding ways to engage back in a rhythm of life – so that is a strength. Maybe something to consider is whether what ‘moving on’ for you might not be what it looks to other people – distraction is one approach, but it may also be finding a way of gently remembering and ongoing connection that is not overwhelming, and allows you to express what you are feeling.

If you haven’t already, please feel free to look at some of the resources on the Griefline website: particularly the Guide to Coping With Grief & Loss, (https://griefline.org.au/resources/when-a-loved-one-dies-guide-to-coping-with-grief-loss/) and also the Bereavement Support Group (https://griefline.org.au/get-help/bereavement-support-groups/). The volunteers at Griefline are here for you, if you feel overwhelmed you can reach out to Griefline on 1300 845 745 between 8am and 8pm.

[nikulasosmolski]

Hey my friend,

I don’t have much suggestions; my adopted father whom was also my best friend, died 3 months ago by tragic accident in my arms.

I’m just posting to say you’re certainly not alone. I feel very unsettled, weird, out of sorts, very lethargic, and also like my world has turned upside down.

I am a recovering alcoholic, and had a year of sobriety up. But during his death I have been going through many alcohol and small drug lapses.

Right now I have just finally accepted some things:

1. My father would have been proud of me for the way I handled his death, funeral, house tidy etc…

2. For the next however long time, I have accepted this is just the way things are for now. I have embraced the suckiness of the situation and will just bear it with hope for a while. Life doesn’t end for me here.

3. I may never get over him. But that’s ok, time passed will allow me to integrate things.

4. Whenever it sunshines in my country, it is nighttime in another. Meaning, the future has so much good on hand.

[Author]

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