Guilt following Euthanasia of elderly dog

[suzfenau]

We had our beloved 16 year old dog put to sleep earlier this week. She had been going down hill for some time due to her senior age but she would make ‘come-backs’ each time. For example, she might be quiet for a day or two or her mobility might be reduced for a day or two but each time she perked back up and every time she was still very food driven, wanting her dinner at the usual time and enjoying treats and cuddles from us. For a couple of months she had been having frequent toilet accidents in the house which she seemed fully unaware of and in the last few weeks she had also had seizures, about 1 each week (she had them on and off her whole life but very infrequently) the seizures didn’t seem to phase her except for being quite tired after. On Monday she was super quiet and slept all morning, when I crouched down to speak to her when she woke she was a bit trembly but this would subside when I stroked her. I don’t know what possessed me but I rang the vet to book her in and when I look back she wasn’t really very bad at all. I asked the vet what he would do if she were his dog and he said he would have put her to sleep a while ago. I looked at her all cozy in her bed (we took her bed to the vet with us) and said it wouldn’t be a terrible way to go right now and agreed to put her to sleep. I am tearing myself up that I made that decision too hastily and we could still have her with us now. My grief is unbearable when I think that I made a mistake but other times I think at least she didn’t end up suffering. I finding this all very hard.

Topic

[suzfenau]

Thank you for your kind words @Vm-LilBee13 and @VM_AOL25. Today has been a little easier but still so raw and at times throughout the day it just crept up and overwhelmed me so the floods of tears came again. I know I will be ok in time (loosing our 18 year old cat 3 years ago taught me that – I didn’t think I was going to learn to cope at all but of course time is a great healer). Once I have this guilt feeling under control I think it’ll just be the long path to allowing the sadness to live with me for some time then eventually it will fade and the happy memories will live with me and my family forever more. Thank you once again, it truly is helpful to have people other than my close family and friends validate my feelings because the pain is so real and unfortunately those who haven’t had the gift of having a precious pet in their lives just seem to think I am over reacting.

[Vm-LilBee13]

Dear @suzfenau,
I am really sorry for the loss of your beloved dog. It is clear how much you loved her and cared for her!
What you are describing, the uncertainty and the guilt from the decision to put her down is something many of us go through with our senior pets. There is no perfect moment, no perfect clarity. We make the best decision we can with the information and love we have in that moment. And it sounds like you made that choice from a place of care, wanting to protect her from potential suffering. And when we love them so much, we replay everything, wondering if we should have waited or done something differently. But from what you have shared, she was tired, her body was declining, and she went peacefully, cozy in her own bed. That is a very gentle way to go. Please be gentle with yourself as you navigate this grief. Take care of yourself as you need. We are here for you!

[VM_AOL25]

Hi @suzfenau, thank you for the courage to share your story with us. I am sorry to hear of the unbearable grief you are experiencing. It is very normal to feel guilt, especially when you made one of the hardest decisions to end their suffering. You did not put them down to make your life easier but to take their burden away. It is a selfless act of love you did for your dog. You are trading their pain for your own; that was the kindest thing you could have done for your best friend.
You kept your promise to give them a life of comfort, safety and love, until the very end, ensuring their last moments were peaceful, safe, and filled with your presence. I trust your decision is made with an overflowing heart rather than hastily, since they have been experiencing discomfort for some time. You chose to save them one bad day, rather than wait until a time when waiting any longer would have been unbearable for them. It was an act of love, not an act of abandonment.
Your unbearable grief is the measure of the profound love you had for them. This terrible pain is proof that your relationship was significant and valuable. Here is a link to a resource specifically about grieving a pet which you may find useful, https://griefline.org.au/resources/losing-a-pet/. I encourage you to continue to share your journey through your grief with the online forum community, friends, family, and our phone line, whenever you need 1300 845 745.

[Author]

Replies