Guilt following Euthanasia of elderly dog

[suzfenau]

We had our beloved 16 year old dog put to sleep earlier this week. She had been going down hill for some time due to her senior age but she would make ‘come-backs’ each time. For example, she might be quiet for a day or two or her mobility might be reduced for a day or two but each time she perked back up and every time she was still very food driven, wanting her dinner at the usual time and enjoying treats and cuddles from us. For a couple of months she had been having frequent toilet accidents in the house which she seemed fully unaware of and in the last few weeks she had also had seizures, about 1 each week (she had them on and off her whole life but very infrequently) the seizures didn’t seem to phase her except for being quite tired after. On Monday she was super quiet and slept all morning, when I crouched down to speak to her when she woke she was a bit trembly but this would subside when I stroked her. I don’t know what possessed me but I rang the vet to book her in and when I look back she wasn’t really very bad at all. I asked the vet what he would do if she were his dog and he said he would have put her to sleep a while ago. I looked at her all cozy in her bed (we took her bed to the vet with us) and said it wouldn’t be a terrible way to go right now and agreed to put her to sleep. I am tearing myself up that I made that decision too hastily and we could still have her with us now. My grief is unbearable when I think that I made a mistake but other times I think at least she didn’t end up suffering. I finding this all very hard.

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[VM-Selazni]

Hi @suzfenau,

I’m sorry for your loss. Your dog sounds like she gave you sixteen wonderful years of warmth and companionship. Equally, it’s so evident from your words that you loved her and miss her dearly. I’m glad that your feelings of guilt are lessening. It’s such a challenge navigating the end of life for our pets because, unlike people, we never have the opportunity to sit with them and explain the depth of our feelings and why we need to make the decisions that we do. It’s natural that everything feels so incomplete; the uncertainty leaves us open to all this wondering, “What if, what if, what if?” As the others have commented, you did the right thing. You may not feel it now and that’s okay. It’s an unfortunate reality that there’s sometimes a chasm between ‘knowing’ something and ‘feeling’ it. But my hope for you is that the more time passes the more you’ll be able to look back at the decision and know (and feel!) that it was the right thing to do and the kindest choice for your friend of sixteen years.

We still live in a world where the passing of our pets is largely minimised and dismissed by those around us (even our closest friends and family, at times). But your loss is real and significant, suzfenau, and your feelings are important; they matter. Please look after yourself in this time and reach out if you need a listening ear.

Take care, suzfenau.

[suzfenau]

Thank you VM- VioletH and VM-Daisy for both taking the time to respond with your kind words. It really does help. I am gradually coming to terms with everything. I miss her terribly, I think I always will. I just have to keep remembering that the pain will lessen over time. My guilty feelings are also lessening. I was talking to a family member about it today and as I was about to say ‘I know’ it was the right decision, I just couldn’t say the word ‘know’ and instead said ‘I’m pretty sure’.
Maybe I will always have a doubt that it was the right time but I have to remember that my dog was only going to get weaker and go through more seizures and at least she didn’t have to endure that.
Thank you once again.

[VM-Daisy]

Dear @suzfenau,
I’m sorry about your loss. It was not just a dog, that was your best friend of 16 years! The fact that you’re this torn up about it tells me everything about how much she meant to you.
What got me was you saying she was cosy in her bed. I can picture that moment: you looking at her, knowing what was coming, and still questioning whether you did the right thing. That’s what love looks like. Someone who loves their dog this much doesn’t make hasty decisions.
You kept coming back to the same thing. You are worrying you rushed it. But here’s what I’m hearing instead: you were watching her closely, you noticed every little decline, every seizure, every time she struggled. You didn’t miss anything. And when she was having a really rough day, you thought about her comfort, not about keeping her around longer for you. That’s the hardest thing a pet owner can do.
The guilt is real, and I won’t tell you it’ll disappear overnight. But please hear this: you didn’t betray her. You did the opposite. You made sure she didn’t have to suffer through bad days waiting for a “perfect moment” that might never come. You loved her enough to make that call.
Griefline’s here if you need to talk this through—sometimes it helps to say it out loud. 1300 845 745, any time.

[VM- VioletH]

Dear @suzfenau,
Thank you for sharing your story. I’m so sorry for the loss of your beautiful companion of 16 years.
It’s completely natural to second‑guess yourself after something so heartbreaking.
Grief can make us question even the most loving decisions. Feeling guilt or doubt doesn’t mean you did anything wrong — it’s often a sign of how deeply you cared.

Choosing euthanasia is one of the hardest responsibilities we take on as pet owners, because it means making a decision they couldn’t make for themselves. Even when it’s the kindest option, it can feel incredibly heavy. You gave your dog companion comfort, dignity, and peace when their body was no longer able to keep going in the same way it had. The feelings you’re having now are part of grieving someone you loved, and not any sort of reflection of failure on your part. You were there with them and putting their needs front and centre, as you always had right until their last moments, even though it was incredibly hard for you.
Know that we are here for you as you navigate your journey,adn you can always call our Helpline 1300 845 745 8am to 8pm: 7 days (AEDT), if you would like to talk thing through.

[suzfenau]

Thank you for your kind words @Vm-LilBee13 and @VM_AOL25. Today has been a little easier but still so raw and at times throughout the day it just crept up and overwhelmed me so the floods of tears came again. I know I will be ok in time (loosing our 18 year old cat 3 years ago taught me that – I didn’t think I was going to learn to cope at all but of course time is a great healer). Once I have this guilt feeling under control I think it’ll just be the long path to allowing the sadness to live with me for some time then eventually it will fade and the happy memories will live with me and my family forever more. Thank you once again, it truly is helpful to have people other than my close family and friends validate my feelings because the pain is so real and unfortunately those who haven’t had the gift of having a precious pet in their lives just seem to think I am over reacting.

[Vm-LilBee13]

Dear @suzfenau,
I am really sorry for the loss of your beloved dog. It is clear how much you loved her and cared for her!
What you are describing, the uncertainty and the guilt from the decision to put her down is something many of us go through with our senior pets. There is no perfect moment, no perfect clarity. We make the best decision we can with the information and love we have in that moment. And it sounds like you made that choice from a place of care, wanting to protect her from potential suffering. And when we love them so much, we replay everything, wondering if we should have waited or done something differently. But from what you have shared, she was tired, her body was declining, and she went peacefully, cozy in her own bed. That is a very gentle way to go. Please be gentle with yourself as you navigate this grief. Take care of yourself as you need. We are here for you!

[VM_AOL25]

Hi @suzfenau, thank you for the courage to share your story with us. I am sorry to hear of the unbearable grief you are experiencing. It is very normal to feel guilt, especially when you made one of the hardest decisions to end their suffering. You did not put them down to make your life easier but to take their burden away. It is a selfless act of love you did for your dog. You are trading their pain for your own; that was the kindest thing you could have done for your best friend.
You kept your promise to give them a life of comfort, safety and love, until the very end, ensuring their last moments were peaceful, safe, and filled with your presence. I trust your decision is made with an overflowing heart rather than hastily, since they have been experiencing discomfort for some time. You chose to save them one bad day, rather than wait until a time when waiting any longer would have been unbearable for them. It was an act of love, not an act of abandonment.
Your unbearable grief is the measure of the profound love you had for them. This terrible pain is proof that your relationship was significant and valuable. Here is a link to a resource specifically about grieving a pet which you may find useful, https://griefline.org.au/resources/losing-a-pet/. I encourage you to continue to share your journey through your grief with the online forum community, friends, family, and our phone line, whenever you need 1300 845 745.

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