Grief after losing 2 dogs in the span of 3 months.

[kaos]

My heart breaks. I don’t know how I can go on. I lost my little Azlyn just before christmas. He was 17. He was old and I knew it was coming as he started slowing down. Yesterday, after a long week we had to put my other dog Merlin down. He started vomiting a week ago, and showing signs of pain. Turns out he had a huge mass in his abdomen that was growing and pushing his organs around. We got the ultrasound 2 days ago, and they couldn’t even find his stomach on there the mass was so big. My heart aches for the amount of pain he must have been in, and he hid it well until he couldn’t take it anymore. I never would have guessed it was there, he was his usual self up until a week ago. He was very healthy and active, but that all changed in the week. I’m an abosulte wreck. I thought I had more time with him. I was still grieving Azlyn, but now I’m grieving Merlin too. I made the hard decision to euthanise Merlin, and I’m struggling with guilt. I know it was the right thing to do, cause he wasn’t himself this past week, but it all feels so sudden. The house feels so empty. I keep thinking I’m going to find him under the bed, with his tail poking out. I’m devastated. I’ve lost both of my boys and I don’t feel like I have a purpose anymore. I’m so lost.

• This topic was modified 3 weeks, 3 days ago by kaos.

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[VM- VioletH]

Hi @kaos,
I am so deeply sorry for the immense pain you’re experiencing right now. Losing Azlyn and then Merlin in such a short time is heartbreaking, and it’s completely natural to feel overwhelmed, lost, and shattered. You loved them both so much, and your grief is a reflection of that love. It’s okay to feel devastated and to miss them terribly your home feels empty because they were such a big part of your life and heart.
Making the decision to euthanise Merlin was incredibly brave and compassionate, and it’s really one of the biggest decisions we ever have to make as pet guardians.
Even though it feels sudden and you’re struggling with guilt, you chose what was best to end his suffering and honour his dignity,it’s such a gift you were able to be with Merlin and Azlyn in that loving, caring way right up until their last moments.
I think it’s so normal to wish for more time when the illnesses were so sudden, especially if they seemed healthy until recently.
Grief can be so confusing and layered, especially when you’re mourning two beloved companions at once. The companionship and loving energy of Merlin and Azlyn is something that will always remain with you, and I’m sure you have many fond memories after such a long time together. Some people find it really helpful to have a memorial photo album, or even a remembrance activity as a goodbye, a way to connect to some positive memories.
When you’re ready Ive included a link below to a resource on the Griefline website you might find helpful
How to Grieve for a Pet – understanding losing your pet
Please be gentle with yourself as you navigate this profound loss, healing is a process, and it’s okay to take it one moment at a time – and know that our caring, trained volunteers are here for you if you feel the need to talk anything through Helpline 1300 845 745 9am to 8pm: 7 days (AEDT).

• This reply was modified 4 days, 8 hours ago by VM- VioletH.

[VMToby]

Kaos,

As I read about the recent loss of your two beloved dogs my heart goes out to you.I can so relate to your home being so empty following this loss too. Our dogs provide us with some much unconditional love and loyalty and a part of our heart breaks when we lose them particularly with a sudden loss like Merlin. I sense you are still in shock having to make the quick but right decision for Merlin not to suffer that now the reality is starting to settle in and it is not easy. Be kind to yourself. I hope bit by bit you let go of the guilt as it sounds like you made the right decision for Merlin given how unwell he was.Griefline operates 7 days a week from 8am to 8pm Victorian time on 1300 845 745 if you feel like talking to someone about your losses.Take Care.

[vm_Lotusflower]

Hi @kaos
I’m so sorry to read about the loss of your two dogs. Losing a pet is heartbreaking but losing two within such a short time – one that it sounds like may have been with you for a while? And one unexpectedly – is absolutely devastating. I can’t imagine how much pain you must be experiencing.
The decision to euthanise is one that nobody ever wants to be faced with, but making the decision to do what was best for Azlyn shows what a wonderful pet parent you are.
As you said he was healthy and happy and showing no signs of what was occurring inside. Guilt is such a normal experience given the circumstances, however you also didn’t want him to be in pain which is admirable. So many different emotions to experience at once, compounded by multiple loss. The strong emotions you’re experiencing and feeling like a wreck and lost are very normal when losing pets, because their love and therefore their loss has such a profound experience. It’s also very recent and raw. Being normal doesn’t make it feel any easier though.
I’m wondering what supports you have in place to help you manage at this difficult time and what you are doing to cope?
The Griefline helpline is staffed 8am-8pm everyday and reaching out to discuss pet loss is welcomed if that is something you may find helpful.
Hopefully continuing to engage in the forum will also be helpful to hear from others that have experienced similar losses.
Take care during this difficult time.

• This reply was modified 3 weeks, 3 days ago by vm_Lotusflower.

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