Grieving the loss of my kitten

[jimjam]

At the start of the year, my partner and I decided to get our first baby – kitten – together. She very quickly became my everything. We were both working from home at the time and spent alot of time with her. We formed such a strong bond with her, especially me and her. She slept on my chest at night, she cuddled in my arms on the couch; I truly loved and love her more than anything in this world. Some months ago, she got really sick. We took her into the vet and it was believed she had FIP. Our hearts broke, mine shattered into a million pieces. We got her on medication as soon as we could, but she was already starting to deteroiate. A week after diagnosis, her body shut down and it was for the best decision to euthanize her.

It was only a few months ago so I would never expect myself to be over it, but I’m still having and struggling with every single emotion. I cry most days, I feel guilty and blame myself every other day. I just miss her so much. It feels so unfair she had to die, she was only a baby, it’s not fair. why me why her.

My partner and I have another kitty, but I can’t stop constantly worrying something will also be wrong or one day something will happen to her. i lose sleep, i struggle to eat. And I feel so guilty, because I love her so much but I also want my baby back. I don’t know what to do.

Topic

[VM- VioletH]

Hi @jimjam,
I’m so deeply sorry to hear about the loss of your kitten.
What you’re describing isn’t “too much” or “taking too long” or anything like that, it’s the kind of grief that comes from a deep, genuine bond. When you love a little being the way you loved your kitten, losing her isn’t just sad; it’s shattering. It hits the attachment system, the routines, the sense of safety, the identity of “I’m her person.” It’s understandable you’re still having such intense feelings, after such a sudden loss.
You didn’t just lose a pet. You lost a baby you nurtured, slept with, cared for, and built a daily life around. The brain doesn’t distinguish that bond from any other form of attachment, so the pain, the guilt, the longing, the “why her” all of that is a normal response to a traumatic loss that feels incredibly unfair.
FIP is such a heartbreaking illness in young cats, and it moves so quickly that even with treatment, many little ones don’t make it. What happened to your baby kitten wasn’t something you could have prevented or changed. You cared for her with so much love and attention, and anyone in your position would have been overwhelmed by how fast things unfolded.
The guilt you’re feeling is a very common part of grief, especially when the loss is sudden. Our minds try to make sense of something unbearable by searching for a reason or a moment we could have done things differently, but you were with her through every step, and she left this world held in love and safety.
The fears your having about your other kitty is like a grief echo, when you lose someone suddenly, your nervous system becomes hypervigilant, it looks for danger signs to anticipate what could happen. People often find it hard to eat well and sleep well,the worry that something will happen to your other cat is like your body trying to protect you from another heartbreak. Your still healing from the loss of your first cat, but it is possible to grieve for the kitten you lost and still love and care for the cat that you have in your life right now.
Healthy grieving is really about slowly finding a way to hold the love you still feel, while letting the intensity of the pain soften over time, gently learning, little by little, to hold the memory in a way your heart can bear, that lets you keep moving through your days, breathing a bit more easily, and staying connected to the life and love that are still around you.

Know that the community is here for you Helpline 1300 845 745 8am to 8pm: 7 days (AEDT)
You might find the resource below helpful also when you feel ready

How to Grieve for a Pet – understanding your grief

[VM-Selazni]

Hi @jimjam,

I’m sorry for your loss. The death of a pet hits so hard as their deaths leave room for so much questioning about why, what could have been done for them or done differently, or questions about our own validity as their caregiver. It sounds from your description that you and your partner did everything that you reasonably could for your kitty and that she was very well loved. The upset you’re experiencing now through your grieving is testament to how loved she was and how impactful her short time with you has been.

VMLuna_Moon has made some excellent points regarding your experience of the anxiety you’re facing with your other kitten and I’d like to also suggest that grounding strategies and mindfulness may be of assistance when you’re finding your worries spiralling or your anxieties escalating. Connecting with your body by undertaking some mindful breathing (concentrating on a deep breath in, holding it for a moment, and then slowly releasing it) might help you to feel a measure of control in these circumstances. And reaching out to a GP or counsellor if your sleeping and eating habits continue to fluctuate may also be very valuable as getting good sleep and eating nourishing foods are very impactful for our overall wellbeing. Additionally, as VM-winter has commented, please don’t hesitate to reach out to Griefline if you’d like to talk about the loss of your kitten or how you’re going working through the grief. A listening ear can also be of tremendous support.

Take care, jimjam, and let us know how you are going (if you feel capable).

[VM-winter]

Hi @jimjam
It is so sad that your kitten died. When you form such a close bond the feelings of loss are huge. My cat Fitz was my best friend and chief comforter. When he died suddenly a few years ago I really struggled and my friends and family didn’t really understand my grief. It felt so lonely. It was hard for a long time. The guilt and fear you feel are very normal reactions to loss. You need to be gentle with yourself and understand that everyone’s reactions and ways of grieving are different. I found some comfort in the photos I had of Fitz on my phone. Just looking at them brings back lovely memories and helps me process the feelings that are still there. Whenever you are struggling you can reach out through the forums or if you want to talk, call the Helpline 1300 845 745 8am to 8pm: 7 days (AEDT). It was so brave to reach out and share your feelings. I hope that you are able to continue to do that as sharing helps with some of those overwhelming feelings.

• This reply was modified 1 month, 1 week ago by VM-winter.

[VMLuna_Moon]

Hi @jimjam,

Thank you so much for sharing your experience with your little kitten. It takes a lot of courage to write about something so painful, and I want you to know that your feelings truly make sense. The closeness you describe is so beautiful — the cuddles, the nights with her sleeping on your chest, the time spent together while working from home. Those moments became part of your daily life and your bond, so losing her so suddenly would be absolutely heart-shattering. From what you’ve shared, your love for her was powerful, and watching her deteriorate while doing everything you could to help must have been incredibly painful. Losing a companion animal is such a significant loss, especially when they’re woven into your routines and your sense of comfort and connection.

The guilt and worry you’re feeling around your new kitten also makes genuine sense. Months may have passed, but months is still very recent when the bond was that strong and the loss so traumatic. Your heart is still trying to make sense of something deeply unfair, and it’s normal for grief to show up in waves — sadness, fear, guilt, longing — all mixed together. What you’re describing, especially the fear about something happening to your other kitty, is a very common reaction after a sudden or traumatic loss. Your mind and body are still trying to protect you, which is why the worry feels so constant. It doesn’t mean something bad will happen; it means you loved deeply and your nervous system is still in “alert” mode.

Please know that these reactions don’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. They show how deeply you care. Small grounding strategies (like slow breathing, gentle routines, or placing a hand over your chest when the anxiety rises) can help your body settle. Some people also find comfort in creating a small ritual or memory space for their pet — it can give your grief somewhere to go and honour the bond you had. And if sleep and appetite continue to be really affected, reaching out to a counsellor or GP can bring extra support during this time.

Take your time and be kind to yourself as you move through the grief journey. There’s no timeline you need to follow, and you deserve compassion along the way. <3

[Author]

Replies