Grieving loss of parent and struggling with partner

[VM-candlelight]

Hi there,
I recently lost my mum (her funeral was just this weekend past), and I’m severely struggling with my romantic relationship.
My partner didn’t come to the funeral, although I had asked him, and we actually got into a bit fight while I was driving up to say goodbye (she lived in NSW, and I live in VIC). I could only deal with one thing at one time, so I had to block my partner’s number and haven’t really spoken to him since. We’ve actually struggled a bit since I found out that mum was in ICU and had a few fights, etc. I returned home on the Sunday, and he left for another state for work on the Monday, and didn’t come by on the Sunday (and not it’s Thursday), and I just feel so alone and unsupported and also still so sad. I went back in-person at work today and I’m just exhausted and wishing this pain would all go away. Everyone has just been telling me ‘to focus on me’, but I can’t help but now think that my relationship has fallen to pieces ontop of what’s happened with mum
Thank you,
Candlelightknight (he/him).

Topic

[vmmax]

Hi @Candlelightknight.

I’m very sorry that you are having these relationship issues on top of your grief. It sounds as though you aren’t being supported and understood through this loss. It’s understandable to want to feel prioritized and cared for when you are experiencing grief. Maybe your partner doesn’t know how to support you? Are there any friends or family you can reach out to when your partner is absent? Would you feel ready to go into counselling, perhaps as a couple? Your feelings here are completely valid.

T.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by onlinecommunity.

[VM – believeinyou]

Hey @candlelightknight,

I’m sorry to hear about the recent loss of your mum and on top of that, the struggles you are experiencing within your romantic relationship. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate and understandably only have enough capacity to deal with one thing at a time. By not overwhelming ourselves with too much is how we give compassion to ourselves so good on you for establishing those boundaries. It also sounds like your relationship has been tense for you ever since you found out that your mum was in ICU which has resulted in you feeling alone and unsupported during a difficult time of your life. I’d just like to commend you for reaching out here on the Griefline forums, as finding support and a community during this time can be greatly beneficial. We tend to feel more alone and isolated in our grief because “who can truly understand the pain that is involved with experiencing a loss” but seeking support on here, you will find stories that may resonate with your own and provide a bit of comfort.

Feeling exhausted is a common symptom of grief, and identifying that is important as you can implement self-care techniques to try and combat this .https://griefline.org.au/resources/east-toolkit/.Here is also a resource on coping with grief https://griefline.org.au/resources/understanding-the-symptoms-of-grief/
the resource provided also includes a section on “how to support someone who is grieving” which you may want to show to your partner or to read through for your own understanding.

[Author]

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