Grief & Pregnancy

[grahamj]

I’m 8 weeks pregnant and really struggling. My dad recently passed away through voluntary suicide due to emphysema, and I was in the room when it happened. The images keep replaying in my mind, and I’m afraid to shut my eyes at night. On top of that, I’m trying to support my mum while my husband is also showing signs of low mood. I have a long history of depression and have recently quit smoking, so everything feels like it’s piling up. I know how important it is to stay stable for my baby’s health, but I feel like I’m about to break. I don’t know how to keep myself strong while supporting everyone else. Has anyone been pregnant and dealt with grief of a loved one? How did you cope?

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[vm-oscar-at]

You are further along your pregnancy journey since you first reached out to the forum for support, and while all trimesters are different and challenging in their own ways, I hope you’ve been able to connect with the pregnancy during your second trimester, while finding time to grieve your dad and support those around you. It sounds like you have been a pillar of strength that others may turn to for support, and I hope those in your support network have been able to so the same for you.

The first response provided some amazing resources for support, and I hope these have been helpful during this time. There are so many challenges we face as we move through pregnancy and beyond. Starting or expanding a family is just one of life’s big changes and transitions that we may go through, and coping with the death of a parent at the same time compounds both journeys.

I found the weekly check ins from COPE (Centre of Perinatal Excellence) via the emails (or app if you choose to download it), were a helpful reminder to check in with myself and they were a gentle support throughout my pregnancies. They also have counselling support if this is something you’d like to explore.

It’s human nature to want to take care of others around us, and it’s equally vital we take care of ourselves and those we are growing to come in to the world.

[shirley]

I would say that taking time to do good things and celebrate your pregnancy and new family is important part of grieving too..even ifits really little things like taking a photo of all of you before and after. little moments that celebrate what is good. It can help with after the birth too.

[VM-stel18]

Hello @grahamj. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your father and the multiple sources of stress that you are going through. It’s tough enough being pregnant without having to go through grief at the same time and support others in their time of grief. It sounds like you are feeling overwhelmed and anxious which is understandable. It’s normal to want to not think about a loved one dying when you have witnessed it, but I encourage you to be gentle with your mind and allow yourself to remember your father’s passing and let your feelings flow. This is of course very difficult and it can help if you talk with others about your memory of what happened and about your grief. While some people might struggle to hear you, there is usually someone who can sit with you at such times and support you. This could be a friend or family member (even your mum who needs to think about and feel her grief as well) or someone like a counsellor or psychologist. You are welcome to call the Helpline at Griefline to discuss what you are going through (ph: 1300 845 745). I recommend you also look at our website which has lots of information about grief. On our website you can also look at our support group for those impacted by Voluntary Assisted Dying. Given you are pregnant and going through so much with your grief and given you have a history of depression, it might be a good idea to link in with a peri-natal counsellor, psychologist or psychiatrist (perinatal means during and after pregnancy). Your GP or midwife clinic should be able to give you some recommendations for professionals who work in the area. There are also pregnancy helplines such as the Pregnancy, Birth and Baby helpline through Healthdirect (ph: 1800 882 436). Your husband might benefit from such services as well. Your growing baby won’t be affected by your sadness as it’s safe and happy and protected. But it is important that you are able to process your grief and develop strategies to manage your mood so that you can prepare for and enjoy your baby. You don’t have to cope perfectly (there is no such thing!) and it is normal to continue grieving and gradually adjust to and process your grief over time, but please try to get some help and support at this difficult time. Good on you for reaching out to the Griefline community. Please keep in touch on this forum. There are many people here for you. Another organisation that might be helpful is Grief Australia (www.grief.org.au). Take care. I wish you well.

[Author]

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