Grief of a best friend/soul sister

[missy2001]

A year ago I lost my best friend to cancer. She was 26 years old, a mother of one baby boy. She had been my constant and saviour for years. I have no family but in her I found everything. After two months of being diagnosed, being told she had cancer – she was dead. In the end I was her carer. I helped her shower and dress. I stayed the night at the hospital, watched her baby during the day. Stayed at her parents house. My world evolved around her, she was my everything. It was her birthday last Tuesday. It doesn’t feel easier, the grief doesn’t feel more bearable, less painful. I feel as though I lost everything. When will it feel easier? When will I be okay?

Topic

[vm-jessie]

Hi Missy,
The death of a soul sister is such a huge loss. I sometimes think society underestimates the bond of friendship and the grief that happens when they are no longer there. Your friendship sounded incredibly special and to be diagnosed and pass away in such a quick period must have been such a shock. I’m sure many people have told you that grief doesn’t have a time frame; it comes and goes, and ebbs and flows. Some days you feel like you’ve got it all together, and the next you can’t get out of bed, especially on days like her birthday or the anniversary of her death. I have a photo of a dear loved friend where I light a candle or put a cup of tea or glass of wine and we talk. That helps me feel connected to her even though she isn’t here in body I feel her in spirit. Sending you all the love. J

[vmmaggie]

Dear Missy 2001 – thank you for sharing around your grief journey following the death of your close friend. The 12 month anniversary and her recent birthday are those marker events which heighten the both the sense of loss and that actual sense of ‘goneness’. As said previously, grief is not a linear process, has its own rhythm of good days and bad days.
Hopefully you are able to reflect on the privilege associated with your special gift of presence and ‘being there’ during those last months and, in time, share stories with her child about the special person their mother is.
I find it a worthwhile ritual to have a candle alight beside the photo of a deceased loved one particularly on significant days, talking to them too in a way that underpins your continuing bond. VMmaggie

[vance]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Losing someone that close, especially someone who felt like your entire world, is earth-shattering. What you did for her in those last months shows just how deeply you loved her, and it makes sense that the grief still feels so raw. I lost someone very close too, and I remember wondering the same thing- when will it stop hurting this much? For me, it helped to talk it through with someone from Your Online Psychologist. They really helped me understand that grief doesn’t have a timeline and that it’s okay for it to still hurt. There’s a page I found comforting too: Grief and Loss Counselling – Your Online Psychologist. It made me feel a little less alone. Be gentle with yourself, you’ve been through something incredibly painful, and healing doesn’t mean forgetting. You’re still carrying her love with you.

[Author]

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