Finding a loved one deceased & Trauma triggers

[melcob]

In August 2024, I found my mother deceased in a bathroom in my home. She was face down on the floor, I checked her and called 000. The operator had me turn her over to perform CPR and, when I did, she made a groaning sound. Even though I know that’s a common thing to happen in the deceased. It didn’t stop my brain for thinking, just for a moment, that she might not be gone… that some hope existed. I wore myself out doing chest compressions and screamed for the paramedics when they arrived, only to be told what I already knew… rigor had started to set in, there was no chance. For about a week after, I kept hearing myself screaming “mum!” over and over again. The trauma and shock blocked out the grief for a while and eventually I did grieve. I have had a couple of attacks of massive grief and anxiety (I lost my dad 4 years prior and my mum in law who was one of my closest friends only 8 months after mum, so I carry a ton of grief). But overall, I’ve been doing well. Yesterday, I was watching The Pitt and they rolled a body over and he groaned… and I got hit with what I can only think of as a PTSD attack. I was howling and thrashing and hyperventilating. It felt like there was a monster trying to rip its way out of me while something else was trying to rip its way in to remove the pain. It came out of nowhere. I didn’t even realise I still had that level of trauma in there. Can anyone else relate? I’d love to know if there is anything I could do to try to prevent this or ease it somehow and I just needed to get this out as well, if that makes sense. Thanks for reading.

Topic

[VM-Blizzy]

Dear Melcob,

I am deeply saddened to hear that your mother has passed away and that you found her. I also hear that you have compounded grief which can make any subsequent grief harder to comprehend and deal with.

Thank you for sharing your story and the overwhelming symptoms you have had after having what you describe as a PTSD attack. That must have been very scary for you to have those feelings taking you back to the memory of your mum. These physical symptoms are very normal to have after experiencing such a traumatic event and can pop up when you least expect.

Seeing your doctor and getting a referral to a counsellor or psychologist that is experienced in PTSD and grief has been helpful for others that have gone through similar situations as yourself. They have used professionals to help ease and manage the symptoms – which you can learn to do as time goes by.

Also, as you have also said yourself, you just needed to get the grief out, which is healthy and what we at Griefline are here for – to listen and help you get through your tough feelings. Please keep on reaching out. When you are up for it you can try to connect with one of our compassionate Griefline volunteers on 1300 845 745 at any time between 8am to 8pm (AEST/AEDT) 7 days a week.

Take Care

[Author]

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