Finding a loved one deceased & Trauma triggers

[melcob]

In August 2024, I found my mother deceased in a bathroom in my home. She was face down on the floor, I checked her and called 000. The operator had me turn her over to perform CPR and, when I did, she made a groaning sound. Even though I know that’s a common thing to happen in the deceased. It didn’t stop my brain for thinking, just for a moment, that she might not be gone… that some hope existed. I wore myself out doing chest compressions and screamed for the paramedics when they arrived, only to be told what I already knew… rigor had started to set in, there was no chance. For about a week after, I kept hearing myself screaming “mum!” over and over again. The trauma and shock blocked out the grief for a while and eventually I did grieve. I have had a couple of attacks of massive grief and anxiety (I lost my dad 4 years prior and my mum in law who was one of my closest friends only 8 months after mum, so I carry a ton of grief). But overall, I’ve been doing well. Yesterday, I was watching The Pitt and they rolled a body over and he groaned… and I got hit with what I can only think of as a PTSD attack. I was howling and thrashing and hyperventilating. It felt like there was a monster trying to rip its way out of me while something else was trying to rip its way in to remove the pain. It came out of nowhere. I didn’t even realise I still had that level of trauma in there. Can anyone else relate? I’d love to know if there is anything I could do to try to prevent this or ease it somehow and I just needed to get this out as well, if that makes sense. Thanks for reading.

Topic

[VM-Daisy]

Hi,
Thank you for trusting this space with something so painful. What you’ve described isn’t just grief. It’s trauma. And you’ve been carrying both.
That groan you heard haunted you then, and it found you again through the TV. That’s how trauma works. What happened yesterday wasn’t weakness. That was your body finally releasing what it couldn’t process before.
Trauma triggers can surface months or years later. After an episode like yesterday, your nervous system needs care. What you’re describing may also benefit from trauma-informed support like EMDR or somatic therapy, which works specifically with how the body stores traumatic memories.
You didn’t know that level of trauma was still in there because you’ve been doing remarkably well. And you still are. Having a trauma response doesn’t erase all the healing you’ve done. It just shows there’s another layer that needs tending to.
Griefline is here if you want to talk: 1300 845 745 (8am to 8pm AEST).
You’re not alone in this.

• This reply was modified 2 weeks, 4 days ago by onlinecommunity. Reason: GL opening times incorrect

[VM-Fern]

Hello #Melcob. Thanks for posting about your highly distressing experience. Many people with PTSD and others are familiar with your experience, which sounds very much like a flashback, where the pain from the past is suddenly re-experienced as a fight/flight/freeze anxiety reaction, being caused by a trigger in the present moment which matches that from a past traumatic event. What made it so much more distressing was that you were not expecting anything like this to happen. The good news is that consulting a professional as VM-Blizzy suggested can really help. They can provide methods for dealing with flashbacks which chiefly centre around mindfully bringing your attention back to the present moment,(eg via focusing on the breath, being aware of the 5 senses and so on) and thus signalling to your mind and body that you are safe now and the anxiety reaction can reduce. Perhaps that groaning trigger was the most upsetting detail of all in your distressing memory, hence the hyperventilating and feeling like there was a monster inside. If so, more good news is that you have now experienced the worst flashback of all and you have the opportunity to work on techniques to reduce your anxiety if it ever happens again. All the best and thanks again for posting.

[VM-Blizzy]

Dear Melcob,

I am deeply saddened to hear that your mother has passed away and that you found her. I also hear that you have compounded grief which can make any subsequent grief harder to comprehend and deal with.

Thank you for sharing your story and the overwhelming symptoms you have had after having what you describe as a PTSD attack. That must have been very scary for you to have those feelings taking you back to the memory of your mum. These physical symptoms are very normal to have after experiencing such a traumatic event and can pop up when you least expect.

Seeing your doctor and getting a referral to a counsellor or psychologist that is experienced in PTSD and grief has been helpful for others that have gone through similar situations as yourself. They have used professionals to help ease and manage the symptoms – which you can learn to do as time goes by.

Also, as you have also said yourself, you just needed to get the grief out, which is healthy and what we at Griefline are here for – to listen and help you get through your tough feelings. Please keep on reaching out. When you are up for it you can try to connect with one of our compassionate Griefline volunteers on 1300 845 745 at any time between 8am to 8pm (AEST/AEDT) 7 days a week.

Take Care

[Author]

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