Can’t cope without my boy

[staffysforlife71]

I live in a very remote area of Australia with my wife who suffers from epilepsy and we had to have our 13 year old staffy put to sleep just over 2 months ago. He meant the absolute world to me, was such a charecter and was always by side during the tough times we had with my wife. Our world revolved around him and I am really struggling to cope without him in my life, especially when my wife is sick or I am alone, I just can not thinking about him which brings me to flooding tears every time.

Topic

[VM-Johann]

@staffyforlife71 I was so touched by your story, the fact you had a relationship where he provided you the space to speak your thoughts is a very significant one. And if people doubt the power of ‘different’ communication between us and our cherished animal companions – the example you gave of stubborn refusal to cooperate if the daily walk routine was not honoured to its fullness shows how much they have a mind of their own and can tell you!

It is wonderful that you were able to incorporate the charcoal treat routine into your private service. And I think having such a beautiful shrine of remembrance in such a significant place in the house is a special thing to do to honour their memory and keep him as an ongoing presence. There are often help-seekers to Griefline who will continue those quiet conversations with their loved ones and animal companions through such shrines, in a way that brings them comfort as the days & weeks pass.

I do hope your phone network also has supportive friends who are helping, but please don’t hesitate to continue to reach out to us if certain days become a challenge.

Kind regards
Johann

[VM-Serenity66]

Hi @staffysforlife71,

Losing a best mate like that is awful, and sad. It sounds like he was a massive part of your lives and is terribly missed. I’d be pumping out the tears for sure (and have done in the past). Please consider us a little part of your extended support network, and tap in when you need to. As @VM-Johann mentioned, the Helpline is available if a friendly voice is what you need.

Kindness

[staffysforlife71]

Thank you VM-Johann for your reply and words of comfort. At the moment I only have a very small support network which I can only talk to by phone, so my dog was my most loyal companion that I could talk to him about anything. I know he could not talk back to me, but just having him there to listen while laying on my lap or resting his head on my houlder, was all the comfort I needed to get me through.

He had his set routines of wanting to go for a walk every morning, and if we tried to shorten the walk, he would just sit down and refuse to move until we gave in to him. People could not believe how we treated him and how spoilt he was. He had to have is charcoal treats “every” night before he would go to bed and would just lay on the kitchen floor waiting until he got them. We had a private service before he was cremated and we had to give him his charcoal treats before he finally left us :-).

We now have a shrine area in the loung of our house, right next to the part of lounge he called his own, with large colour print of him, a paw print and poem in a frame, some small plastic flowers, a couple of candles, and his ashes in a memory box along with his collar, paw prints, a favourite toy.

[VM-Johann]

Thank you to reaching out @staffyforlife71, the pain from the loss of a close animal companion is the same sort of grief as when we lose a person close to us.

As I read your circumstances, I can deeply understand how much of a support he would have been to you and your family. I am getting a sense of the challenges living so remotely, which is made all the more difficult when you have caring responsibilities for someone with a lifelong illness. I see how having such constant and dependable companion must have reduced some of that burden for you, and gave you the resilience to endure those difficult times.

I’m wondering whether you have specific stories about your time with your beloved Staffy that bring a smile to your face? If you feel comfortable writing about them, I know others would look forward to hearing about the difference he made in your lives.

I know social support can be difficult in remote areas – I often hear from some people working out in remote country that they have 2-3 people they phone every week just to check in with them, a real voice driven community approach you don’t hear as much about in cities. Have you got anyone like that out your way in your community or neighbouring towns, someone who understands where you are?

Griefline has a fact sheet on losing companion animals that might be useful to read, and hopefully might help normalise the grief you are experiencing
https://griefline.org.au/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/Griefline-Losing-a-Pet-Fact-Sheet-EN.pdf

Also just to flag that you can call the Helpline on 1300 845 745, and any of the volunteers would be willing to provide the space to talk about you losing your Staffy.

Please take care, and continue to reach out to us in the days and weeks ahead when you feel overwhelmed.

Kind regards
Johann

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