All alone

[alligirl]

I lost my mum who was my world a couple of years after my marriage broke down. My 12yr old dog also died 5 weeks after my mum. I no longer speak to my siblings after legal battles over mums estate as I was executor and my siblings became greedy. I’ve been quite alone for quite a while now. Funny thing is I work in mental health and talk to people about how important connection is. But I isolate myself because i just can’t bear to take any more emotional hits. I think I’ve been protecting myself ever since.

Topic

[VM_Billie20]

Hi @alligirl,

Thank you for trusting us with your story. You’ve carried so many heavy losses in such a short time, the end of your marriage, the passing of your mum and beloved dog, and then the painful disconnection from your siblings. It makes so much sense that you’ve felt the need to protect yourself by withdrawing.
What you’ve described, that tension between knowing the importance of connection but feeling unable to risk more hurt is something many people experience in grief, and you are not alone in this. Protecting yourself can be a very human response after being through so much.
You mentioned that you’ve been quite alone for a while now. Sometimes even small, safe steps toward gentle connection like being here on the forum can be meaningful.

Here some some links to some resources on griefline that may be helpful

[vm_brave]

I am so sorry for all that you have been through. Losing your mum, then your beloved dog so soon after, and the pain of family conflict on top of it all… that is such a heavy load to carry. No wonder you have been protecting yourself. I can hear how much pain and loneliness you have been carrying, and it makes complete sense.
Grief shows up in so many ways. It is not just about the death of loved ones, but also about losing connection with family, or even the role you once had in their lives. When those kinds of losses are not recognised, it can leave us feeling very alone.
I also want to say that I see strength in what you shared. Even though you have been hurting so deeply, you are still showing up for others through your work in mental health. That says a lot about your heart.
You are not alone here. Just posting this is a step toward connection, and it matters. We are here to listen and to walk with you. If it helps, I found these resources from Griefline really gentle and supportive: https://griefline.org.au/resources/understanding-grief/
https://griefline.org.au/resources/coping-with-loss/

Sending you warmth. Please know you are not on your own in this.

[vm-Maisy]

Dear @alligirl
These are some major losses in a short period of time. It sounds extremely overwhelming.
One of these many losses is a lot of weight to carry let alone all of these.
I wonder if you have supportive friends or community to help you transition through this time. I have linked some ways to seek some connection and support of others going through loss and loneliness. I hear when you say you can’t take anymore emotional hits and feel the need to protect yourself. This is completely understandable especially after feeling a betrayal from your siblings. Perhaps going out of your comfort zone and leaning on a support group, you might find some peace in knowing this feeling is shared. – In isolation I forget that there are others feeling the way I am. I am currently watching my mum struggle with the relationship of her sisters after the loss of my grandma – their mum. It is a grief of it’s own losing this connection or picture in your mind you had of your siblings. Please go gently on yourself today.
I find If I break my days up into one day at a time life looks less lonely and hard to me. I can get through anything today. I can look after myself for just today and I don’t have to commit to any self-care that doesn’t work. I can be gentle with myself for just today.
I always find it easier to give advice than to take my own advice too! Working in mental health tells me you are compassionate, empathetic and caring. I wonder how it would feel to show yourself the kindness you give to others today.
Please reach out to us 8am – 8pm on the phone lines. Please keep talking about your experience on the forums.
Thank you for sharing what you have been through

Bereavement support groups

Community and Connections

[VM-flowerbear07]

Hi @alligirl. What an enormous amount for one person to go through in such a short space of time. Losing your mum, whom you shared was your world, following the breakdown of your marriage, then your dog so shortly afterwards. The pain of losing both a parent and a longstanding companion such as a pet (part of the family, absolutely), coupled with no longer having the support of your siblings would be tremendously difficult to go through; it’s understandable that you have been feeling alone. I am really glad you reached out to the Griefline community. As @VM-Fern mentioned, encouraging other people to reach out and connect, yet struggling to do so yourself is not uncommon – taking your own advice isn’t always that easy. It is natural to want to protect yourself emotionally after such significant losses, so whilst I encourage you to please be patient and kind with yourself, keep reaching out. We are here for you.

[VM-Fern]

Hi @alligirl. Thanks for reaching out to the Forum. You have suffered a lot of loss, first your marriage, then your Mum and your dog and then you lost the relationship with your siblings. Bruising legal battles as the Executor are the last thing you need at such an emotional time and are frequently traumatic and exhausting. And yes, the irony about working in mental health and telling people about the importance of connecting while not feeling up to it yourself is something that many mental health workers could relate to. It sounds like on the one hand you really do want to be able to take your own advice and connect, yet on the other it risks exposing yourself to more emotional trauma. Have you thought about calling Griefline on 1300 845 745? This would allow you to connect with a non-judgemental and caring listener who won’t subject you to emotional hits, lessening the need to self-protect. Thanks again for sharing with the Forum.

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