What has grief taught me.

“Twenty-one years ago, I lost my son and my brother in an accident. I am posting today because it is one of those days where I need to remind myself of what grief has taught me. The first and biggest lesson is that loss and grief are survivable. At the start of this journey, I never thought it would be possible. Yet, here I am, twenty-one years later.”

“When I learned to make friends with grief, everything changed. I realized it was not an enemy, but a guide helping me navigate my loss and process each day’s emotions. Now, grief is a trusted companion walking beside me through life.”

“This kind of understanding cannot be found in a doctor’s office; there is no pill to take away the pain. I finally realized there was nothing to fix because nothing was broken. Everything I felt was completely normal after losing two people I loved so dearly. As strange as it sounds, not feeling the pain would be worse. It hurts deeply because I loved them deeply.”

“Grief has also reminded me to be kind and patient with myself. It taught me not to be afraid of my feelings, and that this weight is too heavy to carry alone. We need to reach out for help—not to be fixed, because remember, nothing is broken—but simply to be supported on the days we feel we cannot do it alone.”

“Grief also reminded me that this journey can be deeply lonely, and at times, it can make us feel isolated. You can feel completely alone even in a crowded room. Sometimes, even those closest to you cannot understand what you are going through, or have the capacity to support you. They are carrying their own grief. Even when a family loses the same person, how, when, and why we grieve is entirely different. We each shared a unique relationship with them, and we all have our own beliefs and ways of coping. We just need to be kind and patient with one another. When there are no words left to say, a hug can speak volumes.”

“All the ‘ifs,’ ‘buts,’ and ‘whys’—the could-have, should-have, and would-haves spinning around in your head—simply prove how much you cared. You cared enough to question everything. But some questions just don’t have answers. So, please be kind and patient with yourself. Remind yourself that you did the very best you could with what you knew at the time.”

“Looking back over these twenty-one years, I see that grief is not a problem to be solved, but a lifelong journey of love. It has taught me to embrace the pain, lean on others, and choose kindness every single day—both for myself and for those walking beside me.”

“This is what grief has taught me, and I hope it helps you on your own journey. I am sending you all a hug. Please, be kind and patient with yourself.”